It’s enough because it matters to You

23
Oct

There are times when I want to “make it” in a creative pursuit.

I want to get a novel published.

I want to write for magazines and websites.

I want to see on a wall in a public space paintings I’ve made.

Are you noticing the me-focus theme here?
For as lofty as these dreams are, you’d think I would have no problem putting action steps to my creative goals. However, many times when I invest time in writing, journaling, painting or trying to learn to draw something new, I hear a lot of chatter in my background.

Mostly it says I’m wasting my time and I ought to be using my energies elsewhere.

I have no problem admitting that there are many tasks I don’t enjoy, and I don’t generally get great fulfillment from crossing off things on a to-do list. But the chatter that comes up when I set aside time to make messes with paint, for example, that chatter is usually more about the unworthiness of what I’m working on. It speaks more to insecurity of not being excellent at something, or thinking I’m good at something when I’m not.

Because I haven’t published a novel or sold many paintings, it’s easy to think my creative attempts have little value.

That’s not true.

It all depends on how you define value.

If that definition is focused on external sources and validation, then until you gain affirmation from that external source, you’ll be left floundering.

If that definition is shifted, and the focus put in what I gain personally from my time spent getting my hands messy, then the whole story changes.

So here are a few art journal pages I’ve been working on this week. I hope you enjoy them, and it’s okay if you don’t. They were good for me to do.

That’s all for this week. Thanks for allowing me to share with you. It’s been good to try and post more journal pages more often, but in the next month I’ll probably shift into trying to write more. We’ll see…National Novel Writing Month is coming up in November after all…

Words, Bodies, and Fairy Magic

15
Oct

There’s a certain gratification in finding the right words to describe a situation or emotion. I’m working on finding those accurate words. Sometimes that means using the words of others (and attributing it to them, of course).

This week I’ve found some quotes I wanted to incorporate into my pages. Some of them are hard to read so I’ll try to write them beneath the page.

I don’t always want all my writing to show, so I often use flaps to conceal some of my journaling. This is the backside of a peekaboo page, so I pulled down one flap so eyes wouldn’t be exhausted after the first photo. I should have included a photo with both flaps closed, because the illustration on the backside of the pink is an active drawing of people on horses and it speaks to the struggles of the last couple years and contrasts with the word I was drawn to: resign.

Here’s the same page with the top flap open.

The next page uses a photo of one of my adorable nieces in fairy wings.

[“Funny how women are ashamed of their inner fairy whereas men are forever proudly displaying their inner cowboy or fireman.” ~Dawn French]

This is, obviously, a gross oversimplification but there are definitely bits of truth in it, primarily in regards to women not owning their inner magic, the way women tamp themselves down or “play nice” rather than speak their minds without apology.

…Which leads us to our next journal page, one that tries to examine the relationship between the feminine and God. It’s got a flap, but that’s mostly just to streamline the visual clutter.

Here’s the same page with the biggest circle flapped up.

[“Yet here we sit, with our souls tucked away in this marvelous luggage, mostly insensible to the ways in which every spiritual practice begins with the body.” ~Barbara Brown Taylor]

My own short journaling says My body is a temple — and that means ALL of my body, even the parts that make me female. I am a holy temple.

How’s that for some late-in-the-week pondering for a light mood on a Thursday? ?

That’s all for this week. There’s more but it’s not ready or not on theme right now. If you search Get Messy Art Journal you can see what other people are doing in response to some of the same prompts and challenges. They’re also on Instagram under the hashtag #getmessythursdays.

I’m taking a mini-course from Juliette Crane, which I’m loving but again, it’s not part of the Get Messy Art Journal community so I’m going to hold it for later. She’s amazing and I’m turning into a little bit of a super-fan. Here’s a preview of something inspired by one of the class lessons.

As always, thanks for being wonderful and playing along with me. We have MEA Break this week, so if you need me I’ll be outside with the kids, soaking up as much sun and fresh air as possible. Until next time!

Filling up the Altered Book

1
Oct

All week I’ve been working on preparing my first altered book. It takes some time, and some patience, and unfortunately I’m a little short on both, so it’s not perfect. But this isn’t supposed to be about “perfect” so I’m going for it anyway.

Here’s the cover of my altered book. I don’t love it, but that’s ok. It’s more about what’s inside than worrying too much about a perfect cover.
I knew I didn’t want to invest my time on the cover (my choice of book didn’t lend itself to a fancy, cloth-bound cover) so I just covered it in butcher paper like I would have covered a textbook back in high school.
Dig the quill and ink splotch? Since this season of Get Messy is “words” I thought it was appropriate.

Here is an author bio and a dedication page (it’s fun to make your own book have official stuff like bios and dedications).

The final thing I got done was to paint a whole page, then put a quote over the top. I went on auto pilot and used a different notebook to paint the page, and didn’t realize it until I was done. I had prepped a page in my layered book, so I incorporated the painted page into the book for a gigantic spread. Fun! Now it will fold out and it even worked with the colors I’d chosen at a separate time. Here’s what it looks like unfolded.

The drawing of the woman was in my book and she worked really well with my journaling. I have mixed feeling about the quote I used from Catherine of Sienna — I like it but found another I like better. I’ll just have to save that one for another time.

The idea of fire tends to be a recurring theme in spirituality, but setting the world on fire sounds more like destruction than inspiration…maybe that’s just how I’m feeling tonight after thinking too much about it. I’ll just have to save that one for another time.

Thanks for letting me share here. Does it freak you out that I’m painting in a book or does that sound like fun to you?

Creating an altered Book

24
Sep

When I published this earlier today, I discovered that the gallery of photos I had tried to use didn’t work. I’m revising it so these photos show up. Sorry for my error. Now the photos will show up but they may also be gigantic. I choose gigantic over non-existent. 🙂

Y’all know I’ve been exploring art journaling in a few different forms for quite a while. The process makes me happy, and when I’m focused in the right direction I even use it as a way of connecting with God. It can be a place to express, process, experiment, and all kinds of good stuff like that. I’ve found that when I don’t work in my art journal for a while I start to feel grumpy about it. Art journal = happy. No art journal = grumpy. Clearly I need my art journal in my life.

Just as I use my art journal in different ways, the whole art journal world has lots of different approaches to the process. One approach people use is to take a book and make it into a journal. It’s called an altered book.

It can be used lots of different ways, but before you can just start up and using one, you have to prepare it. If you don’t, many pages will wrinkle, curl up, or even soak up so much liquid (especially if you’re using watercolors) that they disintegrate. Paint on certain kinds of paper just beads up. There’s also the first-world problem of the book getting thicker with your original additions so that it won’t close. Boo hoo. It’s best to get the book ready before you ever put work into creating your own pages. I’ve been working on one, and thought I’d take you through the process.

First, you want to find a book that’s the right size for your purposes. I love the feeling of satisfaction I get when I fill an art journal, so I chose my book accordingly.

You’ll want to look for one that has words and/or pictures that appeal to you. The pages will work better if they’re not slick, but if you put enough gesso on them during the prep process, those might end up being okay. The word on the street is to look for a book where the pages have been sewn in as sections, rather being glued to the spine.

Here we go!

Tearing out pages.

Next comes the glue.

I like this purple glue that dries clear.

Covered the entire page, with extra on the corners.

Smoothing out any bubbles.

I wanted to see how matte medium would compare to the glue stick. I thought it might be too wet and make my pages start to fall apart.

Matte medium: good for so many things.

This was just about the right amount.

There was one thing thing I especially wished I’d been able to listen to, and that was finding a book that had the pages sewn in rather than being glued into the spine. When the pages are sewn in, you can more easily fully remove pages to make room for all the great art you’re going to create. Alas, I couldn’t find a book that was a good size for me as well as having the right paper feel, word feel AND sewn pages. But here’s what happens after you just try to rip out the pages (I’ll have to go back with a straight edge and cut these out):

And this…

Not totally optimum. It’s okay. I use lots of layers and other papers on my pages and generally make a whole bunch of messes, so it will look fine when I’m done with it. Now I know better for next time.

After the page is gessoed and pretty much ready to go, here’s what the pages look like. The first one is the page prepared with glue, the second was prepared with matte medium.

Glue.

Matte medium.

Even up close there’s really not any difference between the two. I thought the matte medium version would have more air pockets, and there are probably a couple but no more than the pages prepared with glue.

The only thing missing now is the cover, but I haven’t got that ready yet, so you’ll have to come back next Thursday and I’ll try to include a photo.

Okay folks, that’s the step by step. I hope it’s helpful to you, especially if you’re trying to start from scratch with this process like I was. And in the next few weeks (on Thursdays) you can expect to see a few more pages from my art journal — I’m trying to be bold and share more of them. For today, I’ll leave you with this: Words have the power to open or close entire rooms…Choose them wisely.

Get messy art journal : Serenity

3
Sep

It’s been a while since I put up any art journal photos so tonight you’re going to get swamped with a bunch. This fun group I’m a part of, Get Messy Art Journal, has been focused on Serenity for much of the summer, and since that’s something we could all use more of, I tried to follow along. In the interest of not bombarding, I’ll try to just post the journal pages that go with the theme and give a few details about what was going on with a prompt or a challenge.

The first page is in response to the word “goddess” and the challenge to use metallic paint. Too often in the circles I’ve been in, the mention of the word “goddess” closes down a conversation, with an assumption of pagan leanings and heretical tendencies. I should know, I’ve had those reactions myself. However, to acknowledge that as a woman I am also made in the image of God and God isn’t exclusively male since God isn’t a human (not referring to Jesus for now, okay?) — well, that’s a welcome breath of fresh air. Plus, this bronze paint was gorgeous and this picture doesn’t do it justice.

We had another challenge and that was to use a certain technique that might be new to us. It was new to me. I don’t love the way it turned out, but it was fun to try something different. We layered washi tape then paint and pulled up the washi tape before it could set. Let that dry, then do another layer. Here’s the end result…

The next pages were trying to focus on “serenity” while also using materials from a craft swap don’t in the Get Messy group. Lauren sent me fun things from England, and England brings fun memories of times spent visiting there, so clearly these were fun pages to make. (Lauren, can you spot the swap goodies you sent me?)

Aren’t these little chicks sweet?

Even though skulls have been more plentiful in recent years, I haven’t really gotten into them. So it was interesting to mess with them on this page and see what that evoked in the process. I’m not crazy about this page, but it was a good stretch for me.

This one got a little wild, but I love the end result. See how I tried to practice restraint and the use of white space? No? Can’t see it? Well I WAS trying, so imagine what it would look like if I wasn’t trying!

That’s all I have for this time around. Did you sense a theme of me not loving my pages? That’s okay. I think there’s still value in sharing them, because it’s all part of a process and what we don’t like today we might feel differently about tomorrow. And even in those pages that don’t soar, there are always flutterings — a section here or a color combo there — that are part of letting go and getting out of your own way.

There were other pages, but they were on their own and I’m trying to stay focused here. Otherwise your eyes will start to blur and we can’t have that. As always, thanks so much for reading! Have a wonderful holiday weekend!

Question time: what comes to mind when you think of serenity? Do you ever see it in your every day life? What practices cultivate serenity in you?

A mundane lack of space

22
Jul

The (mostly) blank page

A start — listening to the colors I’m drawn to.

Layers and layers of paint and paper bits.

Things just kept needing to be put on the page.

She showed up unannounced.

More more more, more layers, more colors, taking up all the space on the page.

Final page in the light of day.

This is in response to a prompt of “Space” with Esther Emery and #wholemama (click here for all the details). I didn’t have many words but I did have paint. That worked best for me last night.

Do you have space in your life? Do you wish you had more? How can we help one another have the space we need to process or vent or be silent as best suits our souls?

Paints help Me

2
Jul

The process of scribbling and scraping paint across a page helps me in a lot of ways.

It helps me remember:

Costa Rica’s a colorful place. We visited there for the first time last fall, and it was an important place for my parents.

When you don't get to the ocean very often, you don't get tired of ocean views...unless they're from unending steps after you've made the mistake of cooling off in said ocean and now your chafing like you never thought possible. THen you might get tired of ocean views. But how would you know that until you'd experienced it?

When you don’t get to the ocean very often, you don’t get tired of ocean views…unless they’re witnessed from a journey of unending stairs after you’ve made the mistake of cooling off in said ocean and now you’re chafing like you never thought possible. Then you might get tired of ocean views. But how would you know that until you’ve experienced it?

It helps me process emotions, theology and ideas:

Gone

It helps me express empathy and connection across distance:

For my friend, J, who might be aware of the weight of the whole world on her shoulders right now.

And it helps me try new things:

Unusual colors make shading easier for me somehow.

If you want to know why I continue to art journal, these are some of the reasons why. It’s been such a source of release and expression for me, especially in a time of real difficulty. I hope you have an outlet for the questions and contemplations you have.

What are those outlets for you? Are you a runner? Singer? Collector? I’d love to hear about what ways you process the things you’re thinking about or struggling with.

Get Messy Blog Hop Final Round of Bravery

20
May

Lately I’ve been pursuing things that are brave, even if that simply means something as small as believing in a possibility instead of dismissing it, trusting someone with an important decision, or trying something new.

These are challenging things, even if they seem small.

I’m also very aware that the calendar keeps flipping over and my family and I are approaching a painful milestone as we come up to the one year anniversary of losing my dad. I don’t know how to prepare for that. I don’t know what to expect. I’ve found that in other situations if I put too much emphasis on feeling a specific emotion in a particular moment, I usually get it wrong. It’s like my feelings are petulant toddlers who don’t want to be told what to do. I don’t have a lot of words about the anniversary yet, except to say that I think some of the incapacitating intensity of loss has ebbed…today.

That said, I’m trying to focus on what I think I might want to have around me as that day nears: my favorite scarf, fresh air, my family, and some paints.

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This great community of art journalers, Get Messy, has been focused on the word “brave” for a while now, and this is one of our last linkups on that topic. I didn’t include any pictures that had the materials used to create the pages but I’ll try to get some of those again in the future. If you want to see the way other people interpreted some of the challenges, click here.

Are they falling down or floating up?

My biggest news is that I started a part time job. This may not seem like big news, but I’ve been home full time with the kids for many years. MANY YEARS. So any paying employment that takes me away from home and has regular hours and a PAYCHECK is a big deal. It’s going really well, but the next art journal page comes out of A. being brave in re-entering the workforce, and B. being swamped with all the new information I have to learn (relationships, names, positions, responsibilities, programs, etc.).

It’s a waterfall of information.

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When I was in fifth or sixth grade, my family went to a conference out in Colorado. Remember, I’m a child of the 80’s so this was around the time that neon colors and black rubber bracelets were the big thing.

I wanted to join in the fad, so I somehow acquired a new pair of earrings (I don’t remember having money or taking the initiative to go buy them, so my mom must have bought them for me). They were super-cool, dangly and neon. I wanted to wear them with an air of nonchalant confidence but in fact, I was terribly self-conscious about them. I was sure everyone was staring at me.

My family went to a party — with dancing — at the end of this conference, which had people of many ages attending. A much older boy came up to me during this party and very sweetly asked if I’d like to dance.

PANIC!!!!!

No way was I going to dance with this super cute older boy. Was he insane?!

“No, thank you,” I mumbled, totally embarrassed.

He left and I spent the rest of the evening silently wishing I had said yes.

This journal, made on a flat canvas board, is a shout out to those earrings, which were an act of bravery even if I was self-conscious about them the entire time I wore them.

An ode to neon earrings.

This one is an attempt at a new technique.

Trying new things is fun…and unpredictable. The words read: What’s happening on the outside and on the inside are very different.

I submitted some artwork and an essay to an online publication. I don’t know if anything will come of it, but it was definitely an act of bravery to push “send” on that email.

Feathers are inspiring.

Okay, this final page is scary for me to share but that’s part of what this is all about. I’m trying to learn a new thing and simultaneously take steps to share, even if in the process things are imperfect.

More feathers, in lots of ways.

There we are, friends. I’ve shared some of my brave moments with you. Do you care to share any brave moments of your own? Can’t wait to hear from you in the comments!

What makes you Brave?

26
Apr

I’ve been thinking about the different aspects of being brave, and I wanted to consider how there are many ways of being brave. We’re quick to forget some of the things that scared us so bad once we’ve overcome those things. It’s easy to forget how hard it was to do something once we’ve conquered it — think of your first time jumping off a diving board, for example. On an emotional level, there are certain events that were turning points in our developments, and with the benefit of hindsight (since we now know how the event turned out) we often diminish how much bravery it took to have that conversation, write that letter, decline that invitation.

It’s in that spirit that I offer these art journal pages on the topic of “brave” and through the Get Messy website I’ve pulled some of them together in a “zine” which is a small booklet usually on one specific subject. If you want to see a bunch of different interpretations of this, you can check them out here. I’ve included a couple other thematically appropriate paint expressions as well. I hope you enjoy, and I’d love to hear your stories of “brave” in the comments. Thanks for reading!

The cover of my first zine

Walking in the dark

Scared and feminine are not mutually exclusive.

Sacred and feminine are not mutually exclusive.

Trying again can be an extreme version of bravery.

Why is saying no so hard for us?

It takes bravery to be patient and believe there are opportunities for us all.

Show up and be you.

You are a lionheart.

Putting these things out there is an act of bravery for me, especially since I don’t LOVE them all. But I think showing them to you is important; it takes the power out of perfectionism, especially when it comes to arty things.

In what ways have you been brave this week? I’d love to hear about it!

Being brave might look different for you than for Me

10
Apr

I hate to say that some things are relative. It sounds so milquetoast, so ambivalent. And yet, there are things that are relative. Not everything is concrete or one-size-fits-all. Have you tried on a glove that’s one-size-fits-all? It just doesn’t, that’s all I can say.

In the same way, being brave looks different for different people. Going without hand sanitizer for a whole day may be brave for some people to the point of nervous twitches and increased blood pressures. Daring to speak in public can really challenge some people, while others thrive in that setting.

This month I’m working through a theme of “Brave” with the Get Messy peeps, and the timing is eerie. This word keeps popping up for me, which makes me feel like somebody’s walking around two steps in front of me, leaving me little notes. Maybe that’s the idea of secret messages – that when we’re paying attention we receive many more of them than we previously realized. This is definitely one of those alignments.

In that vein, I’d like to share some more art journal images I’ve come up with. If you’re interested in finding out more about the Get Messy prompts and crew, you can click here.

I Use My Voice

Look at all the jumble-y yumminess!

Disappointment versus Hope

I am Brave

Dripping with Bravery

Okay, now it’s your turn. Would you call yourself brave? Have you tried anything lately that’s made you feel brave? And how about those secret message — do you ever notice any of those sent to you? I’d love to hear your story!