Have you ever been rejected? I mean, really rejected? I am staring serious rejection in the face and have realized that it is more than just simple rejection involved in the process of being rejected; it is also a facet of failure. To be rejected, one has to have failed in some way, to have been found lacking necessary attributes or be deemed unable to perform certain tasks adequately. This can be in a romantic relationship, a friendship, at work, at school, at home, almost anywhere you are, because part of rejection and failure is a falling short of the goal you had for yourself as well, and not only superimposed from outside yourself.
I’m curious about your experiences with rejection or failure and how you dealt with it. Did you hole up with a quart of ice cream (or my favorite: cookie dough)? Did you take up running? Did you paint with dark colors? Did you cry? Did you yell? Did it help to talk about it or did you have to process it internally? It looks different for each person, but I’m interested to hear from your perspective. I welcome your comments!
Your mother told me she “loved me as a friend” the first time I proposed marriage to her. That felt like a velvet covered hammer of rejection then (it took some 6 months for her to come to her senses and say “Yes.”) I’ve been turned down for publishing my book 23 times (with some of the nicest rejection letters). It is hard – no impossible – for me not to take rejection personally. Even if in my head I know it is “the name of the game,” especially in publishing.
I’m pretty sanguine but I get moody and easily irritated. Chocolate ice cream is a definite symptomatic relief for the blahs I get when rejected. Staying busy and not dwelling on it helps me…but the thoughts are still there in the back corner of my mind…and emotions.
I’m aware there is a much BIGGER flow going on i.e. timeing and context beyond my control or manipulation etc. but sometimes I wonder how to catch that flow in advance instead of being behind it. LOVE YOU!
My sweetie asked me a great question when trying to know how to help me feel better: “Do you want to talk about it or should we watch a movie?” I opted for the movie. It felt too raw to talk about it at that time. The letter I received was a very nice rejection letter, and it would be possible to mistake it as merely an informational if I didn’t know better.
No matter how you prepare yourself to get the letter, no matter how much you try to keep yourself in check, unless you are truly a hard-core pessimist I think it is impossible to not be taken down a notch when that letter comes (or you get passed up for that promotion, or people don’t return your calls or whatever the specific form of hurt may be). I never expected a book deal or anything, but I think the ambiguousness of hearing that the work isn’t complete drivel makes it almost more difficult. It’s a dream that is just beyond my arm’s length.
Thanks for sharing about your own experiences and how you’ve handled it. There is definitely something to be said for chocolate ice cream, or chocolate in any form!
I don’t have a ton of wisdom about dealing with failure. But I grieve with you. I usually fail the failer. I know I did my best, and I rescind their power to validate me. They blew it. Their loss. Now I can focus on what can be done better now that I have more input. Despair is toxic; hope is the only option. On this I claim authentic first hand knowledge. No shame, no guilt allowed. Ears are tuned to only one message: Good will come of this. I may be grumpy, but GIGATT trumps all. My story has an inevitable happy ending. God Is Good All The Time. Plug your ears and say “nanana I can’t hear you” to negative nattering nabobs. They’re just playin’ ya.
Thank you for your comment. I love the idea that hope is the only option. God is good all the time even when I don’t get my own way!