Safe Risks

18
Feb

“The Favorite” – Grandfather and Grandson – “Ο Αγαπημένος του Παππού” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you have a confidence problem?

Is there something you’re passionate about doing but that you keep to yourself?

We’ll come back to that. Put a little bookmark in your brain.

My grandfather was a large, authoritarian man who’s hearing had gone. We usually only saw them at holidays when he and my grandmother insisted we come to their house even though my siblings and I protested to our parents. I can still smell the combination of burning coffee and pork roast.

He couldn’t hear very well and this, combined with a loud voice starting point, made it sound like yelling when he addressed our family. He’d welcome us, get choked up and have to wipe his nose with a thin hanky, and frequently before the prayer he’d include a brief poem he had written.

I’ve come up with three reasons to excuse my reaction to his poems:

Maybe it was his presentation, simultaneously bossy and emotional or
Maybe I was an ornery teenager or
Maybe I was hungry and felt that he was holding our dinner for ransom.

The way I remember it, though, his poems were a lot of clichéd, rhyming schlock. (I hope I’m wrong, because this is so ungenerous, and that if I read them now I might be able to find some value or beauty in them.) But if my grandpa ever had any doubts about the merit of his work, it didn’t show. He subjected us to his poems against our will, and was convinced of their quality.

All of this is conjecture, since I never took the time to ask him about the poems. We didn’t really talk in that way.

As I’ve rediscovered writing in the past four years, my family has been supportive. My husband doesn’t understand my drive to write, but he tries to ask me questions about how it’s going, tries to relate. My parents talk me up, tell other people that I’m writing, call me a writer. They sound proud of me.

While I appreciate their votes of confidence, I feel bashful and self-conscious.

My secret fear is that my writing will be self-indulgent, that I’ll subject people to hear it who have no interest in it.

Even though people have encouraged me, people who write and know writing, I still have a hard time not making disclaimers about my writing.

My sister called me out on it.

She asked me why I talk down the writing I’m doing, why I sound like Eeyore when I tell her about the writing contest I entered but probably have no chance of winning, for example. I tried to remind her that I’m charmingly self-deprecating, but her question was a good one.

Why do I dismiss my writing? Why do I lack confidence?

I think a lot of people get nervous about using the descriptors “writer” or “author” (or, eeek! “artist” which conjures up its own images and pressures) because it sounds presumptuous since how can I call myself a writer if I haven’t gotten that novel published, if I haven’t received a check for that article, if I haven’t gotten an accolade that distinguishes my work from that of someone else.

Should our confidence hinge on external assessments?

While internal motivation and drive are absolute requirements, getting outside validation can be helpful and…validating. 🙂 Writing is something that requires self-starting and especially if you are at the beginning of building your writing into a career, no one is checking up on you to make sure you’ve written X number of words today.

In the end, if you can take safe risks with your writing (or painting or DIY project or collection) it will give you a measure of confidence you may not have been able to get on your own. Enter that contest, submit something to your newspaper or offer something to a like-minded blog. Make a little foray to share your work with someone other than your dog and you will gain confidence that comes with letting your work see daylight.

****

As a little fun, this clip from SNL totally exemplifies the fear I have about being inappropriately confident/self-indulgent. It’s from the episode with Daniel Radcliffe and is pretty clean (mostly). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSjLiQxEZlM

Yakkity Yak: Talking Women and Church

11
Feb

At our church two weeks ago during a sermon, the pastor lost me. It wasn’t because he was expounding on a difficult theological concept. It was because he put his hand behind his head and moved his hand in the sign for talking too much. He conveyed his illustration of a different sermon point with the idea that women talk too much. I was so mad, I didn’t hear anything else he said.

Last weekend I was at my friend’s cabin with a bunch of women and there was a lot of talking. But beyond the normal range of catching up and visiting, a few of the women seemed to dominate the conversation. As in, they got started and would even talk OVER one another.

When I take my scrapbook stuff away from home, this is how I roll.

One night, all I could do was get in a smart aleck comment every so often because they

couldn’t.

stop.

talking.

They wore me right out.

So is the pastor wrong?

Do women talk too much?

Some men talk a lot. That seems to be okay. Does it really matter if some women talk a lot?

Not all women talk a lot And because Christian culture has traditionally been repressive of women, it would be hard to err to far into letting women have a voice.

The pastor, because of his position, is presumed as an example of the viewpoint of his church. If he makes a sarcastic remark in his sermon, this is counted as the church’s position on women: they talk too much. How’s that for a first impression on a visitor? His comment was belittling and condescending to women. It may have been in jest, but he went too far when he made it about all women rather than making it specifically about one woman, ie. his wife (like that’s not a cliché that hasn’t been beaten into the ground — get some new material in that joke book, please.).

My weekend with my friends may have been a non-stop jabberflappy lip-fest, but we had a lot of catching up to do and a limited amount of time in which to do it. We had to talk fast to get it all in! And these chatty women don’t always talk that extensively. This get-away was a safe space to share freely about our lives and what’s been going on.

If that pastor’s opinion is that his wife talks too much, then he should take it up with her. He should not blanket an entire gender because of the traits of one person. And he certainly should not use the pulpit to put down women, who do so much for the church and the people in it. If he was trying to be funny, it was an epic fail. And it pains me to think that someone was visiting and went away thinking that was the church’s position towards women.

…unless that position was accurate, which would force me to become the women’s advocate at that church, because Christ never went out of his way to silence women. If anything, He was about including and validating women. The Church as a whole needs to get it together and acknowledge the vital role women already play. And then it needs to pass out new joke books to all the speaking pastors.

Active Waiting

8
Feb

Some people hate waiting. The inability to produce a desired result makes some people feel powerless, anxious and grumpy. When there are so many things to wait for in life, people get really miffed if they are stuck waiting for something that shouldn’t take long.

We have to wait for our tax return (if we’re lucky enough to get one).

We have to wait for a test result from the doctor’s office.

We have to wait for our kids to put on those DOGGONE LACE-UP SHOES.

It’s enough to drive you bonkers.

Right now I’m waiting to hear back about a bunch of writing projects; some of them are articles I submitted, some are writing contests. Waiting is hard.

There is a way to make waiting easier.

Rather than just sit there and watch the hands on the clock move in slow motion, why not use the time? I keep running into this quote and I think it is one that will stick with me:

Never give up on a dream because it will take too long to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway. >Earl Nightingale

So many times we are in such a rush to move on to the next agenda item, to cross off something our list, that we don’t admire the moment we’re in. We shuffle along with our heads down, moving from one appointment to the next, and don’t look up from our feet. And we wonder why we’re tired, depressed, disconnected or unenergized?

This is the point at which I am tempted to write a list of things you can do while you wait. But I’m going to resist the bullet-points. Each person must find her own active form of waiting. For some it will be a physical activity or it could be something that engages a totally unrelated part of your brain. But that’s all the list I want to offer because I know that you can find your own version. You know what will energize you, buoy your spirits as you hold out for that piece of news, for that next door to open for you.

We humans can be so fickle. How often do we wish we had more time in a day? But when that time comes but doesn’t meet our specifications, we get grumpy. Extra time can be a gift. It can give us time to prepare ourselves for that next phase. Sometimes when we have to wait for something, we discover in the waiting that it isn’t what we wanted or needed. It can also give us time to build up resilience or a reserve of experience we will need.

Waiting doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Maybe today we can resolve to wait graciously with our eyes open to life around us, rather than eyes squinched shut and a cloud over our heads. I’ll try if you will!

Helping Kids Deal with a Pet’s Death

4
Feb

We’ve had bad run of luck here with animals. But before I can tell you about it, I have to tell you about the transformation that’s been happening since we moved to our house two years ago.

We acquired our dog first, nothing unusual about that. Here he is (and yes, despite the scarf and painful cuteness, he is male):

Don’t I look sassy?

And then this past spring we got chickens.

Two of our chickens prancing around the coop.

The chickens did well and after a few months we started to get eggs from them each day. We settled into a good pattern.

Then somehow my husband talked me into getting a kitten. It was going to stay in the garage and be an outside cat. We kept her out of the house (except when she snuck in), but I didn’t manage to keep her out of my stupid heart. I don’t even like cats! But she was irresistible. She ended up being fun all the way around for everyone; she had a great personality. The kids loved and hated the way she attacked their feet when they went out into the mudroom for their coats or backpacks. Even when she tripped us on the way out the door, it was because of love.

It was all going so well.

Two weeks ago, our kitty met an untimely demise in our garage. She darted across the garage as my husband slowly entered, and she misjudged her own speed and agility. Her death was quick, for which I was grateful.

When it happened and we realized there was no saving her, it was a study in child development to watch how my kids reacted. After about five minutes, my first grader and preschooler asked when we could get a new cat. They wanted to pet her and say goodbye, but it was more of a scientific observation. “Here is a dead cat” type of thing. However, my third grade son retreated to his room, where he asked if he could watch a video or read his book. His eyes were watery and he was upset.

I felt the same way. I wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened, and my first reaction was to find something that could distract me from being sad. I’m a happy gal usually, and feeling sadness is…well, a bummer. I noticed again that when dealing with a difficult situation, my gut reaction is to retreat.

When my son felt the sadness of loss, I didn’t want him to have to feel those emotions. I wanted to cheer him up (and myself too). However, rather than ignore or dull the experience, I took a different approach.

When children feel pain, it is important to assure them it isn’t the final thing they will feel.

Feelings can be scary and overwhelming. Parents can help them walk through the intensity.

Here are a couple suggestions:

If you can, try to keep your own emotions somewhat in check. It can be scary for a child to see his parent openly distraught. Sharing some tears is healthy; asking your child to bear your grief is not.
Assure your child that it is okay to feel sad, that it a strong feeling, much the same as anger (which my son and I have talked about in the past).
Kids don’t need to hide from their feelings even though they were kindof overwhelming. The feeling “sad” is not a permanent emotion, and “happy” will return.
I told my son it was good to be sad because he had loved the kitty and when pets we love die, we feel sad and will miss them.

We got through it. We aren’t getting another cat, even though my first grader seems to have one picked out in his mind. In another blog post, I plan to talk about the difference between the way we handle life and death with animals that we have for food production versus pets.

Was this helpful to you? I sure hope so. How do you deal with strong emotions and life lessons with your kids? I’d love to hear about it. But in parting, I’ll leave you with a photo of our kitten (almost cat) climbing up on our windshield:

Fuzzy pic but still cute

Quick and Cheap Infinity Scarf

1
Feb

How can a person resist the time-suckage that is Pinterest? It is an unstoppable force, especially when you’re looking for cute ideas you can do on the cheap. I submitted pieces to two, count ’em, TWO writing contests this week, so I gave myself the reward of doing something totally different than writing. I love, love LOVE writing, but sometimes it is good to engage a different part of your brain.

I’ve been looking for an Infinity Scarf “recipe” that would make a full-looking scarf that I could pull together without a bunch of sewing skills required (I’ve been known to bite off projects that were too tricky for me in the past).

I found one via Pinterest here: http://www.instructables.com/id/DIY-Flannel-Infinity-Scarf/#step1

I used the instructions but made a few modifications.

Jammie pants bought from the clearance rack make good material.

STEP ONE: Cut one pant leg up the inseam and across to outer seam (like you’re making shorts). Repeat on second leg. I decided I wanted a silly-long scarf, so I cut up the outside seam as well, which left me with four sections of material (I ended up only using three).

Lay pants legs on top of each other, wrong-side out, pin and sew.

Here’s the three sections sewn together (four sections seemed excessive).

STEP TWO: The original instructions would have had the “wrong side” fabric showing in the final product, but because my fabric was much lighter inside, I had to alter the plans. Once you’ve got your sections sewn together (as in the picture above), fold it in half long-ways with the wrong side out. Stitch this up and you’ll have a long tube.

Now fold back the end edges of your tube and sew ’em up.

STEP THREE: You’re getting close now. Finish the end edges of your tube so it won’t fray apart, just a little hem will do it.

Fold the entire tube right-side out, then proceed.

STEP FOUR: Next you fold the tube back right-side out. Hold one end in each hand, twist one end to give it the “infinity twist” it needs. Tuck one end just inside the other, less than 1/2 inch.

With one end inside the other, stitch it up.

STEP FIVE: Stitch ‘er up. That’s it! Now you’ve got a silly-long scarf you can loop twice or even three times. It is nice and full, and because of the material it is soft and warm.

Here’s the finished product:

I think it looks pretty good on Peanut. He’s a little bashful.

Here’s the finished product. What do you think?

See? It’s really easy, and minimal sewing skills are required. I hope it doesn’t look like I’m wearing my PJ’s wrapped around my neck, but as long as I don’t walk into my next slumber party see my scarf as someone else’s pajamas, I think I’m good. Now I can give this to my sister, who was such a good sport about the cowl/neckwarmer thing I knitted her for Christmas — it ended up being way too fuzzy and left wool hairs in your mouth after a bit. Not good.

Do you have any DIY projects that have worked? Not worked? I love hearing stories of things ventured, so feel free to chime in down below in the comment section. And maybe you consider subscribing? Thanks!

So Much More than “Just a Mom”

29
Jan

We can be so dismissive. Here we go around all day trying to build up our families, build up our children, and yet we often describe our own role as one of little value.

“I’m just a mom.”

“I just stay at home with the kids.”

Why all the “justs” in these statements?

We are important. We help keep things together. We are what makes it possible for the family to sit down to dinner together, to not get yelled at for making personal calls during work hours, to go to bed before midnight since some of the tedious jobs required have been taken care of. We are important.

It is 100% fine if mothers want to work outside the home. They are just as important to their families and no less mother-y. And it is 100% fine if mothers want to stay home and not leave for a job. Lord knows there’s enough to do around the house just to keep things under control, kids in school or not. There is nothing “less than” about being a mom. Until people have done it, they can’t really understand how all-consuming it is, how much work it really is, and how wonderfully rewarding it can be.

Let’s agree that not everyone can stay at home with their kids. Some would if they had the choice but the economy of their family make-up dictates they produce an income. Some don’t because they have a desire to engage in their field of study or expertise. Admit it, you know there are some people who would go nuts if they stayed home with the kids. It’s just not the way they are wired.

We as women have an important choice – we can criticize one another or we can acknowledge that there are days when those of us who stay home wish we had a job to go to; staying home can be hard. There’s no reason for us to tear each other down. Women who came before us worked hard to see that we have the right to hold jobs and get equal(ish) pay for that work. And now we have the right to choose to stay home, even if it is only for a season.

Many times we think there is a commentary being made by someone who has not made the same choice we have. But what we don’t consider is that the reverse is true as well. Maybe we can all agree to think the best about one another, that we are doing the best we can for our families and for ourselves.

Voice, Privacy and Blogging

28
Jan

Portrait of Harry Belafonte, singing, 1954 Feb. 18. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Blogs are amazing things. They have a life of their own, with online friends and followers. They can even translate into real life income (or so I read). What makes certain blogs successful?

The research I’ve done all talks about focus, being an expert or doing reviews on products you really like.

What if you don’t want to build your blog around products? What if you’re not an expert in a specific field?

Even within the product review realm, a person needs to have an authentic voice and communicate their personality in their writing. That can vary with an expert blog, but even those tend to let the writer express his or her personality in the midst of dispensing tutorials or advice. Almost all the blogs which have become successful have a specific voice.

I have two blogs. The first I started as a creative outlet. I thought it would be mostly a bunch of book reviews. But it didn’t pan out that way. It morphed into a blog that was primarily about gardening, family and motherhood. (If you’re curious you can check it out here: http://fromthebooknerd.wordpress.com/). I didn’t work at connecting with other bloggers or blogs, and didn’t think much about growing a following. That’s okay; I was just starting out and it took me a while to figure out that it is a great venue.

This fall I started a new blog, one with a different focus. The blog you’re reading now is all about the journey of becoming a published writer. But it is bigger than that. Because by extension, this blog is about my life.

Usually I tend to be a little private. I’m not crazy about the idea of having my identity out there for anyone to scrutinize. In my previous blog I was careful not to use my real name or the names of my family. I don’t need the world to be able to identify my children on sight. But I realize now that being too guarded makes it difficult for people to distinguish me from anybody else.

Yes, people have short attention spans. But that doesn’t mean that all blog posts must be limited to less than 400 words.
Yes, people like to hear about products that work. But not every successful blog is based on product reviews.
Yes, sometimes people have voyeuristic tendencies but that doesn’t mean we need to keep all details of our lives to close to the vest.

We should always be mindful of what we share online, but it is when we share that people feel connected to us, and can even have validated their own shortcomings and struggles.

I’m an aspiring writer; I’m working to publish two novels and various essays. I am a wife and mom. I am a follower of Christ. These are things that define me and set me apart from my next door neighbor. These are things that inform everything I do. Beyond that, I am a klutz, a cornball, and a bit of a goof (maybe more than just a bit). These things set me apart from other people (somewhat unfortunately). By allowing my unique voice to come through in my writing, I can distinguish myself from the other blogs out there, and people might (cross everything) come back to see what new things are happening on the blog.

What techniques do you use when blogging? How do you decide what specifics of your life to share or keep private? What sets your blog apart from others? I’d love to hear what goes into your decisions concerning your blog. Feel free to comment below. Happy writing!

Sing

How Did I Miss This?!: Writer’s Market

23
Jan

In college, my profs had plenty of reading for us to do. Lots of research. Oodles of papers due. But as an English major at that time (graduated 1997, oh so long ago) there was very little conversation about the business end of a writing/reading/publishing/English-y career.

It is possible that I wasn’t listening.

Listening skills aside, not once did I visit the Career Services office or ask my profs for job direction. Somehow I assumed, and they didn’t dispell the assumption, that a degree would magically open doors for me and I wouldn’t have to do a whole lot of work to make it happen.

Granted that was a different time and the economy was in a different spot. This isn’t a post about economics or the job market, though. This is about a basic tool that should have been a required textbook, like Strunk and White’s Elements of Style. And I didn’t find out about it until I’d been out of college a long time. You can get it here: http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Writers-Market-Guide-2012/dp/1414363478

Super helpful book

Obviously there are other versions of this book which are more all-inclusive. The Writer’s Market is easily available at the library and even if you can’t get the most current copy, last year’s will still be relevant.

2013 Writer's Market

Maybe I’m the last one in any writing circle to find out about these resources; that’s pretty likely. But because I’m trying to make this blog all about finding your way as a writer, from the early stages and forward, I’m putting aside my pride and admitting that I wish I would have known about this many many years ago.

The nice thing about Christian Writer’s Market is that it narrows down the overwhelming amount of information provided. I don’t write erotica. I don’t intend to write erotica. So I don’t need to have the listings of publishers who specialize in erotica. See what I mean? But if you do write erotica or horror or fantasy (or anything else), Writer’s Market is a fantastic place to get all kinds of contact information about your area of specialty.

Another nice thing is that it also provides information about agents, periodicals, contests and more. It can be a huge time saver. I know some people like to do all their research online, but I’m too easily distracted and follow too many bunny trails. These books have the information I need without the extras. I find more details online once I figure out what I’m after.

William Faulkner’s Underwood Universal Portable sits in his office at Rowan Oak, which is now maintained by the University of Mississippi in Oxford as a museum. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I hope this is helpful to other new-ish writers out there. Go find one and pick out those markets that fit your writing best. For those of you who have been doing this a while, are there other resources that you reference regularly? Don’t keep it to yourself — let us in on it. Sometimes when you’re starting out, it is hard to even know the questions you ought to ask!

My challenge to you is to find one new spot you can submit your writing this week. It makes sense to submit your work somewhere it stands a chance. If you’re writing about parakeets you don’t submit it to a magazine that specializes in horses! These resources can ensure that you have the best chance of success.

I’m working on the same goal and submitting/sending a query to a new publication. Let’s check in next week and see what progress we’ve made. Good luck!

Writers Gotta Move

14
Jan

Do you get all your ideas while you look at the screen? Do you generate all your new material while you are sitting at a desk? If you’re anything like me, the answer to these questions is “No.” And as I’ve worked at finding out more about the habits of “successful writers”, a recurring theme is that it’s good to step away from the notepad.

Whether you’re blogging, working on an article or crafting a new chapter, writing is sedentary. There’s almost no way around it. Even if you sit on one of those gigantic bouncy balls instead of a regular chair, you’re still, you know, sitting. Lots of writers talk about how getting fresh air and exercise helps them. Stephen King and Anne Lamott both make hikes and walks a regular part of their days. J.K. Rowling is quoted as saying, “Nothing like a nighttime stroll to give you ideas.” Charles Dickens, Henry Thoreau, William Wordsworth all walked.

The trick for me is that I live in Minnesota.

And I’m a wuss.

I’ve tried being that hearty person who can venture out in -20 degrees and feel invigorated. But mostly I just feel cranky and uncomfortable. But because it is frequently so cold here in the winter, I had to find something I could do to get my heart rate going.

It had to be cheap.

It had to be convenient.

Some people do better if they leave the house and work their exercise into their daily routine, either before work or on the way home. It just so happens that I stay home with the kids, so if I was to leave, the facility would need to provide childcare. It’s a lot of work getting kids out of the house, and when we had a membership at the YMCA, I found that it sucked up a two hour chunk of time by the time we got checked in, I worked out and showered and we got home. And the kids weren’t crazy about the childcare at that specific Y.

I decided it is more efficient for me to exercise at home. I take walks when I can, but when it is icy or freezing, I had to find an alternative.

I’ve gotten a lot of use out of Jillian Michels 30 Day Shred. It has three levels and each session is only 20 minutes but by the end I feel like I’ve actually gotten a decent work out. I picked it up at Target and it is still a great routine even after having it for more than two years. 30 Day Shred Workout – JillianMichaels.com

If you can get some fresh air, that’s probably better. But if it is bitterly cold where you are, at least some physical movement might just get your creative juices flowing.

Do you make time for exercise? What do you do to get moving? I’d love to hear from you.

Happy writing!

Neon helps me exercise faster.

A Long December: Control, Expectations and Goal-Setting

10
Jan

hebkoords.jpg (Photo credit: pkicken)

Are you old enough to remember the song “A Long December” by Counting Crows? I kindof hate that song, mostly because when I was in college, a friend of mine used it as his moping song while his girlfriend was away for a month. In that context it was schmoopy and slightly pathetic (which, had I been the girl it was directed towards, I probably would have felt differently. Not that I wanted my friend to be schmoopy about me…but who doesn’t want their absence to be noticed?).

Well, reminiscing aside, it was a long December at my house. People were sick, large appliances went on the fritz, and animals needed medical attention (that doesn’t mean they all received medical attention, but they could have used it). Basically, my house was a Bermuda Triangle or Typhoid Mary and anything that came in contact with it was rendered ill or broken.

Perfect timing for cultivating a posture of reflection during the Advent season, huh?

There was something I’ve had to relearn (I hate that!) during that time of rescheduling family events, serving toast and applesauce for our holiday feasts, and generally having a significantly scaled-down Christmas: my expectations have the power to influence an experience for myself and everyone around me.

My expectations affect my attitude when the expectations are not met. If I allow my attitude to be affected negatively, I can let that negativity leak out onto the people I come in contact with. It has the potential to taint an experience for me and for them.

Here’s the thing. If something falls short of our expectations, it is because we can’t control and orchestrate every detail of our lives.

We can’t control illness or mishaps or accidents.

We can’t control others.

That really bugs people…

…especially women.

Maybe this is just in Minnesota (I doubt it), but women have this complex about everything going exactly according to plan, even though it so rarely happens that you’d think we would have figured it out by now. But nope, we still think we can finesse the circumstances, details and people involved to achieve our desired outcome. This results in control freak-y friends, wives and moms who walk around with unmet expectations a lot of the time who have:

So fixated on managing every detail that they’re a hand-grenade with legs and a purse

Resent the fact that they had to tell people what they wanted (these people should have instinctively known, after all!) so even when they get it, the experience is diminished

Created an environment where the people who were strong-armed or guilt-tripped into acquiescing are beat down and looking for an escape

Who wants to live like that?

This year I wanted to take a writing class from our regional writing hotbed, The Loft Literary Center. I fully intended to do it, had checked out the catalog (available online at https://www.loft.org/) and flagged certain classes that might fit into my family’s schedule.

Then it just didn’t happen.

There were lots of roadblocks and obstacles that just kept it from happening.

I was disappointed in myself. I had set the goal, thought it was attainable and reasonable, and then I didn’t get it done.

I have two choices in reaction to this failed attempt. I can beat myself up and approach it with a negative attitude (“I never follow through. I’m such a flop. Why try to set goals at all? Who am I fooling?”).

Good times, huh?

The alternative is acknowledge the reality. Don’t make excuses but recognize what happened and why.

I didn’t take the class. True. Why? Because I chose to prioritize my family’s needs over my personal goals. Don’t berate yourself or become one of those Martyr Mothers (“I give up all of myself for my family and I’m so unappreciated. Boo hoo.”) we all know.

Learn from what happened, and look for ways to achieve the next goal.

Was the goal too Loft-y? (Get it? Lofty? Loft-y? Mwah ah ah.) Maybe something closer to home or a one time commitment is more attainable. Modify the goal and see if that still achieves the purpose behind the goal, even on a smaller scale. For example, I didn’t get to the Loft Literary Center series of classes, but I did go to a community education class on publishing. Not quite the same, but a step in the right direction for me.

What goals do you have this year? How do you intend to achieve them? How do you handle disappointment? Are you aware of your unspoken expectations? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Happy writing!