Creating an altered Book

24
Sep

When I published this earlier today, I discovered that the gallery of photos I had tried to use didn’t work. I’m revising it so these photos show up. Sorry for my error. Now the photos will show up but they may also be gigantic. I choose gigantic over non-existent. 🙂

Y’all know I’ve been exploring art journaling in a few different forms for quite a while. The process makes me happy, and when I’m focused in the right direction I even use it as a way of connecting with God. It can be a place to express, process, experiment, and all kinds of good stuff like that. I’ve found that when I don’t work in my art journal for a while I start to feel grumpy about it. Art journal = happy. No art journal = grumpy. Clearly I need my art journal in my life.

Just as I use my art journal in different ways, the whole art journal world has lots of different approaches to the process. One approach people use is to take a book and make it into a journal. It’s called an altered book.

It can be used lots of different ways, but before you can just start up and using one, you have to prepare it. If you don’t, many pages will wrinkle, curl up, or even soak up so much liquid (especially if you’re using watercolors) that they disintegrate. Paint on certain kinds of paper just beads up. There’s also the first-world problem of the book getting thicker with your original additions so that it won’t close. Boo hoo. It’s best to get the book ready before you ever put work into creating your own pages. I’ve been working on one, and thought I’d take you through the process.

First, you want to find a book that’s the right size for your purposes. I love the feeling of satisfaction I get when I fill an art journal, so I chose my book accordingly.

You’ll want to look for one that has words and/or pictures that appeal to you. The pages will work better if they’re not slick, but if you put enough gesso on them during the prep process, those might end up being okay. The word on the street is to look for a book where the pages have been sewn in as sections, rather being glued to the spine.

Here we go!

Tearing out pages.

Next comes the glue.

I like this purple glue that dries clear.

Covered the entire page, with extra on the corners.

Smoothing out any bubbles.

I wanted to see how matte medium would compare to the glue stick. I thought it might be too wet and make my pages start to fall apart.

Matte medium: good for so many things.

This was just about the right amount.

There was one thing thing I especially wished I’d been able to listen to, and that was finding a book that had the pages sewn in rather than being glued into the spine. When the pages are sewn in, you can more easily fully remove pages to make room for all the great art you’re going to create. Alas, I couldn’t find a book that was a good size for me as well as having the right paper feel, word feel AND sewn pages. But here’s what happens after you just try to rip out the pages (I’ll have to go back with a straight edge and cut these out):

And this…

Not totally optimum. It’s okay. I use lots of layers and other papers on my pages and generally make a whole bunch of messes, so it will look fine when I’m done with it. Now I know better for next time.

After the page is gessoed and pretty much ready to go, here’s what the pages look like. The first one is the page prepared with glue, the second was prepared with matte medium.

Glue.

Matte medium.

Even up close there’s really not any difference between the two. I thought the matte medium version would have more air pockets, and there are probably a couple but no more than the pages prepared with glue.

The only thing missing now is the cover, but I haven’t got that ready yet, so you’ll have to come back next Thursday and I’ll try to include a photo.

Okay folks, that’s the step by step. I hope it’s helpful to you, especially if you’re trying to start from scratch with this process like I was. And in the next few weeks (on Thursdays) you can expect to see a few more pages from my art journal — I’m trying to be bold and share more of them. For today, I’ll leave you with this: Words have the power to open or close entire rooms…Choose them wisely.

Celebrating Small Things

18
Sep

Original paint play by Me

When I hear the word “celebrate” it calls to mind special days, unusual accomplishments, and things generally outside the regular rhythm of the day to day. But this tends to be my default setting: to think too broadly. Bringing the scale back down and shifting focus to the more “mundane” requires a purposeful effort, but the rewards are many.

Just as a person recovers from a bad head cold and no longer rejoices in her ability to breathe freely through her nose, I am quick to expect things to go smoothly and my most difficult decision to be what to make for supper. I am too quick to forget my blessings, too unaware of my privilege. I don’t feel fear of violence when a police officer follows behind me. I don’t rejoice when I travel safely throughout my day without threat of bodily harm because I’m wearing a certain outfit. I don’t feel actively thankful when my husband consistently goes to his job and has a steady paycheck.

There are so many things to celebrate.

I don’t have to feel guilty about the set of circumstances that put me where I am, with access to resources and knowledge. I can, however, work to equip others with these same resources. And I can reframe my focus onto the every day things worth celebrating: friendship, adequate food and choices therein, timely and safe bus arrival at the end of a long day. These things are more regular occurrences, but not for everyone, and acknowledging their regularity will lead to a richer life and more grateful attitude of heart.

What mundane things are you grateful for today? What small things can you celebrate?

To find out other people’s take on “celebrate” which will probably be a pretty great pick-me-up, hop over to Kate’s website for Five Minute Friday and all the other people linking up today.

When fear threatens your Freedom

8
Sep

fear

control

the unknown

distrust and uncertainty

constrict your heart.

You lie awake in the night,

shutter your windows, bar the door and creep thru the house in darkness.

Fear throws threats around your head, wraps chains that trip and limit.

We are not made for this binding.

We are not made to be bound.

We are made for freedom.

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When the fear threatens to crush your heart and steal your joy,

Push back.

Drop your head,

Grit your teeth and barrel forward.

Charge ahead and refuse to be crushed by the weight of the “what-if’s” and doubts looming large.

Breath deep into your gut and let the air expand you — press out against the pressing in.

Close your eyes if you must.

Do it while your hands shake, but do it still.

Pretend you’re as confident as you wish you were, and soon you’ll forget you aren’t that confident. You’ll forget the racing thoughts, all that might happen, as you see the beauty of what does happen. Even when it doesn’t all go right, even when things are hard and the unknown remains unknown, or worse — your fears become reality. Even then, you are made for freedom.

Model it. Exemplify it. Pass it on to your children, your friends, your loves. Inspire it in others, this freedom of a person known and loved by the Author of knowledge and love.

You are known. You are loved. You can do this. Let’s say it to one another until we begin to believe it. We can do this.

Today was our first day of school, and this post came out of a lot of my nervousness about the start of school, which is complicated by health concerns for one of our kids. I have to really push back against operating out of fear. I hope we can help each other reject that fear and embrace the freedom we are meant for.

All of that to ask: how was your kids’ first day of school?

Get messy art journal : Serenity

3
Sep

It’s been a while since I put up any art journal photos so tonight you’re going to get swamped with a bunch. This fun group I’m a part of, Get Messy Art Journal, has been focused on Serenity for much of the summer, and since that’s something we could all use more of, I tried to follow along. In the interest of not bombarding, I’ll try to just post the journal pages that go with the theme and give a few details about what was going on with a prompt or a challenge.

The first page is in response to the word “goddess” and the challenge to use metallic paint. Too often in the circles I’ve been in, the mention of the word “goddess” closes down a conversation, with an assumption of pagan leanings and heretical tendencies. I should know, I’ve had those reactions myself. However, to acknowledge that as a woman I am also made in the image of God and God isn’t exclusively male since God isn’t a human (not referring to Jesus for now, okay?) — well, that’s a welcome breath of fresh air. Plus, this bronze paint was gorgeous and this picture doesn’t do it justice.

We had another challenge and that was to use a certain technique that might be new to us. It was new to me. I don’t love the way it turned out, but it was fun to try something different. We layered washi tape then paint and pulled up the washi tape before it could set. Let that dry, then do another layer. Here’s the end result…

The next pages were trying to focus on “serenity” while also using materials from a craft swap don’t in the Get Messy group. Lauren sent me fun things from England, and England brings fun memories of times spent visiting there, so clearly these were fun pages to make. (Lauren, can you spot the swap goodies you sent me?)

Aren’t these little chicks sweet?

Even though skulls have been more plentiful in recent years, I haven’t really gotten into them. So it was interesting to mess with them on this page and see what that evoked in the process. I’m not crazy about this page, but it was a good stretch for me.

This one got a little wild, but I love the end result. See how I tried to practice restraint and the use of white space? No? Can’t see it? Well I WAS trying, so imagine what it would look like if I wasn’t trying!

That’s all I have for this time around. Did you sense a theme of me not loving my pages? That’s okay. I think there’s still value in sharing them, because it’s all part of a process and what we don’t like today we might feel differently about tomorrow. And even in those pages that don’t soar, there are always flutterings — a section here or a color combo there — that are part of letting go and getting out of your own way.

There were other pages, but they were on their own and I’m trying to stay focused here. Otherwise your eyes will start to blur and we can’t have that. As always, thanks so much for reading! Have a wonderful holiday weekend!

Question time: what comes to mind when you think of serenity? Do you ever see it in your every day life? What practices cultivate serenity in you?

Sending the kids Alone

27
Aug

In the last few weeks of summer, we finally got to the peak of summer experiences: camp. We had already gone biking, played basketball, soccer, and foursquare, read books in the hammock, stargazed, gotten bites from mosquitos, gone to the zoo, spent time at the cabin, and pretty much worn out our swim suits. We had saved the pinnacle of summer for the last portion, and the build-up had reached a fevered pitch.

We sent out oldest to his first full week at overnight summer camp. For the first time we sent our youngest to spend each day at a day camp. And our middle child got to have a few special activities since he was put on a waiting list for overnight camp but didn’t get in, poor guy.

We had already expanded our “trust circle” this summer to include people caring for our kids all day one day since I took my first outside job in 10 years. That was challenging enough. But sending two out of three to be in the care of someone else (and one of them for night time to be in the care of someone we had not screened and who was probably someone with no children of his own! What does he know about looking out for our child?! What are his qualifications — that he tells a good campfire story or roasts a good marshmallow?!) required some serious trust work.

I didn’t intend to become a protective parent. There are probably some who think I’m not protective enough. I mean, I let the kids climb trees and hammer nails and walk the dog outside alone. My husband and I are very choosey about the kids’ media intake, and some of that was informed by the kids’ own sensitivities. Have you ever tried turning down the sound for intense parts of kids shows/movies? We couldn’t understand why the kids didn’t like certain kids shows when they were younger and it turned out that the music used to “heighten the scene” made the kids stressed out — shows are way less intense without the soundtrack.

As they get older, there are things they’re going to have to do alone. I get that, I truly do. And I trust them (mostly) to make good choices and think before they act (mostly).

Two of the three went away for at least a day at a time. It went smoothly and they had a great time. They were able to make new friendships and create memories that they’ll have into the future. They expanded their base of experience and see the world just a bit larger now than they did before. These are good things.

So as we prepare for school to start, why does it feel like I’m sending them out to battle giants with only plastic swords?

This is a post for Five Minute Friday, hosted by Kate Motaung, which I’m only getting to today. Five Minute Sunday? Doesn’t have the same ring to it. Search Five Minute Friday or go to Kate Motaung’s blog for the collection of everyone’s links, which are a variety of perspectives on the word “alone”. Thanks for reading today!

More than Ten Lives Taken

24
Jul

This is a terrible year of violence against people of color. Does this year hold any more violent police encounters than in other years? It’s more likely that’s it’s simply my privilege that’s made me unaware of the pattern of police brutality against people of color. Maybe it’s more widely reported. Even so, that does not diminish the principle of injustice that is routinely acted upon people of of color. These names are the ones the news agencies focused on; there are more. Many more. And these are the names are people who’s lives were taken at the hands of police. There are probably lists upon lists of people of color who were treated with disproportionate force that did not end in death but certainly left injuries and trauma. I may not have ten names listed below, but there are more than ten people of color who have been effected by this police posture and activity. Many more.

Michael Brown

Eric Garner

Sandra Bland (so far this is being called a suicide (skeptical side-eye) but you can’t deny the unnecessary brutality during her arrest…for not signaling a turn while driving her car in a neighborhood.

Freddie Gray

Eric Harris

John Crawford

Tamir Rice

Nicolas Thomas

So many others.

I grieve these lives lost.

I need to acknowledge my complicity in a system that discriminates against people of color, and I believe other people who are white should do the same. We need to seek out information and listen to the prophetic voices of those who tell us the truth of their experience, rather than ignoring it or minimizing it. Maybe it makes us feel uncomfortable or blamed or embarrassed; so what? That’s nothing compared to the fear, anger and despondency many people of color must feel when facing the prospect of going about their daily lives.

I may not know the best way to talk about these issues of race, but trying to bring them up in a respectful manner is a solid first step. That’s why I’m posting this today.

Looking for articles and a place to start educating yourself? Here are a couple: Washington Post’s article about fatal police shootings, Report from Amnesty International, Journalists Resource article, and this ProPublica article. It doesn’t take much to find information about this, and it’s all of our responsibility to be aware.

A mundane lack of space

22
Jul

The (mostly) blank page

A start — listening to the colors I’m drawn to.

Layers and layers of paint and paper bits.

Things just kept needing to be put on the page.

She showed up unannounced.

More more more, more layers, more colors, taking up all the space on the page.

Final page in the light of day.

This is in response to a prompt of “Space” with Esther Emery and #wholemama (click here for all the details). I didn’t have many words but I did have paint. That worked best for me last night.

Do you have space in your life? Do you wish you had more? How can we help one another have the space we need to process or vent or be silent as best suits our souls?

Life is a beautiful Mess

7
Jul

My garden is a mess.

There are weeds all over the place, plants have moved from their neatly assigned areas, some plants have popped up unannounced, and it’s general pandemonium.

One of my kids wanted to earn some extra money so the assignment was to lay down two layers of newspaper to combat the weeds. This is the attempt that was made.

Last summer I gave up on the endeavor altogether because of what was happening in our family, but I thought this summer would be different.

It appears I overestimated myself.

This is the way of life. One has grand schemes and expectations, and they are constantly de-prioritized or set aside for later. Maybe that later comes, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe, in the process of waiting and with one’s attention otherwise occupied, one discovers the earlier scheme or expectation didn’t really deserve that amount of assigned value anyway. Sometimes I think we get too constricted in our expectations and it makes us miss the beauty that’s all around us.

These lilies are blooming, and they need the support and protection that a cage and mulch provide.

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That which we think is earth-shatteringly important sometimes mellows with time and experience.

On the other hand, some things become heightened and take on greater value because they’ve been forced aside and in so doing, have been sorely missed.

Call it a separating of the wheat and chaff of life.

For example, I’ve chosen to not freak out about my house being less than 100% clean all the time. I may have a predisposition to care about this less than the next person, but I’m not immune to mess-frustration. There are piles of papers here and there, toys get left on the coffee table, and I’ve frequently had to dig clothes off the foot of my bed. A lot. That’s okay with me most of the time, and when it’s not, we work together to get things picked up (“Leave me a path!” was my refrain when I had a baby in my arms and two kids ages four and two playing on the floor). We’re all getting better about doing the daily tasks that make playing easier, since finding toys is more fun when you can actually FIND them.

But cleaning isn’t really the thing anyway, is it? It’s the feeling of peace or contentedness that comes from an atmosphere at home. For some people, a laundry basket spilling over into the floor would detract from that sense of peace; for me it takes a basket of CLEAN and FOLDED clothes spilling onto the floor to disrupt my flow.

Cleaning is chaff.

Mess is a way of life for me, even more in the past couple years. Emotional mess, the mess of grief and loss, the mess of rocky faith and anger and life-changing medical diagnoses. These are the main, most pressing issues at hand, and physical mess has probably grown messier in the midst of that. Mess is in the eye of the beholder, after all, and if the bananas on my counter are just a tad overripe [read: brown and smushy], I’ll use them for banana bread…eventually. But bigger than that, the act of prioritizing certain things over others allows us to invest our time (and our energy) in those places that need it most.

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What messy things are wheat? What messy things are worth time and investment? Some are subjective but in my humble opinion, these are universal:

Love

Faith

Family

Community and Friendship

Authenticity

Creativity and Art

These things can’t be boxed or formulated. They’re organic and impromptu and feelings get hurt and there are misunderstandings. But the benefits and joys they bestow are so glorious, so life altering, they are worth the risk.

When I place restrictions myself, such as those constraints that tell me not to make a mess, not to mess up, not to make a mistake or a misstep, I operate from obligation or fear. There’s little freedom in that.

When I keep my thoughts to myself and don’t risk speaking up, I allow my silence to speak for me and in so doing I align myself with ideas and positions I don’t truly hold.
When I don’t listen to the prompting of my conscience (and what I’ve learned is the Holy Spirit), I deprive myself and others of what could potentially be a moment of encouragement and connection.

Those things are messy and they come with risk. But isn’t that what living wholeheartedly is like? Messy, risky, a little bit scary, and ultimately liberating? I think it is, or that’s what I’m discovering it to be.

What about you? What areas of your life are messy right now, and are they messy in all the good ways? In what ways might you loosen your grip on perfection and expectations you hold for yourself in order to allow for spontaneity and freedom?

Even in the mess, there is beauty.

Tonight I’m linking up with Esther Emery and the #wholemama lovelies. Click here to dash over to her site and be amazed by her off-grid lifestyle and passionate writing, as well as finding other new blogs to follow.

Paints help Me

2
Jul

The process of scribbling and scraping paint across a page helps me in a lot of ways.

It helps me remember:

Costa Rica’s a colorful place. We visited there for the first time last fall, and it was an important place for my parents.

When you don't get to the ocean very often, you don't get tired of ocean views...unless they're from unending steps after you've made the mistake of cooling off in said ocean and now your chafing like you never thought possible. THen you might get tired of ocean views. But how would you know that until you'd experienced it?

When you don’t get to the ocean very often, you don’t get tired of ocean views…unless they’re witnessed from a journey of unending stairs after you’ve made the mistake of cooling off in said ocean and now you’re chafing like you never thought possible. Then you might get tired of ocean views. But how would you know that until you’ve experienced it?

It helps me process emotions, theology and ideas:

Gone

It helps me express empathy and connection across distance:

For my friend, J, who might be aware of the weight of the whole world on her shoulders right now.

And it helps me try new things:

Unusual colors make shading easier for me somehow.

If you want to know why I continue to art journal, these are some of the reasons why. It’s been such a source of release and expression for me, especially in a time of real difficulty. I hope you have an outlet for the questions and contemplations you have.

What are those outlets for you? Are you a runner? Singer? Collector? I’d love to hear about what ways you process the things you’re thinking about or struggling with.

What will today Hold?

25
Jun

http://mrg.bz/L2hAsB

Today is an important day.

Today is a significant milestone, not of accomplishment but of loss.

In the past there were times when my family (of origin) would get together and there was a sense of having an itinerary. On the whole, we were people accustomed to creating The Plan for a gathering of people — when you’ve grown up in a family of program directors, meeting runners and conversationalists, there’s a certain pressure to create a Big Moment of sharing and bonding. It was always a special occasion to get four kids, their spouses and their babies all in a room at the same time, there was a kind of pragmatic, making-the-most-of-our-time-together agenda.

That’s a tricky habit to break.

As I’ve anticipated the one year anniversary of my dad’s passing, which is today, it’s been hard to know how to prepare. It seems like I ought to have some big plan, a programmed itinerary of activities and neatly scheduled breaks to feel feelings. One thing I’ve learned this year, though, is that grief rarely behaves the way I expect it to. I’ve been blindsided by things that have brought me to tears in the middle of a store, for example, when I didn’t even know I have an association to something and it almost knocks the wind out of me.

Then again, I’ve gone into certain times braced for tears and heartache, and ended up feeling cold as stone.

There’s almost no use in anticipating or preparing for what to feel. Maybe there was never any use for that strategy.

Honestly, I feel a little queasy about today. I’m trying to listen to my body and honor what it’s telling me, but I also don’t want to be bossed around by my body, because if right now it would tell me the best idea is to crawl into bed and doze away for the day. That doesn’t seem like the way I want to spend today…or at least not all of it.

I’m trying to carve out space to feel what I feel, and mark the day as seems right to my heart. So I’m going to eat an apple fritter and drink coffee this morning, with my dad’s fancy red silk handkerchief in my pocket, the one he wore for special occasions and was probably the only one he owned (I’ll give it back, Mom, don’t worry). I’ll wear my prayer beads around my neck. I’m going to take a walk. I’ll try to have the courage to tell people the significance of this day. I won’t make light of my feelings, but I won’t pressure myself to manufacture them because of the date on the calendar.

Today, I want to be with my family and laugh even if we also cry. Music, Jesus, chocolate, stories, discussion, books, family — all these things should be a part of today.

And if I can find a way, airplanes should be in there too. Dad always loved airplanes and flying.

It can be a good day even if it’s also a hard day.

How do you mark significant days in your life? Have you created rhythms or rituals that work for you? I think it would be helpful to hear about them. not only for me but for any others who might be listening in. Will you share your experience with us?