There are people who are solid in much of what they do. They have a plan, they stick with it. They don’t question the “why” of things, and they are content. Their journey is sincere, their faith is genuine, and they’re dedicated, upstanding members of their communities and their lives. That journey is a legitimate journey.
I’m realizing I might not ever be one of those people.
Instagram: tclmn
That’s not to say I’m the opposite of them. I’m also sincere and genuine. However, it appears that my journey might look much different than theirs, specifically my journey of faith. My faith is real even if it’s messy, and I must work to affirm that my journey is also legitimate. It takes a certain amount of vulnerability and willingness to admit that I’m more like “one of these kids is doing their own thing” as the PBS show used to sing. I don’t know that I aspire to become more like the non-questioning-types, but I just sort of assumed it would eventually happen, that maybe along with maturity or a certain number of years I’d mellow into a version of myself that’s closer to them. I’ve long known there are seasons of faith, times of drought and times of plenty, and that over the course of a lifetime a person will see ebbs and flows. I just thought I’d out grow the tendency to ask why.
Let’s just say, It ain’t happening.
It appears that I am born to question, to wrestle, to see inconsistencies between what was said and what was then implemented, to be able to hear Christian-ese even though I’m steeped in it. It’s not something I try to feed. I try to be careful to not base my worth or identity on going against the stream. It’s just something that keeps coming up.
It’s like when you suddenly become aware of a beeping coming from another room of the house when you’re trying to have a conversation with someone. You can’t NOT hear it until you break off your conversation and investigate the beeping (and in this example, turn it off).
It seems my ear may be tuned to the beeping question why.
It also makes me wonder if other people can hear it, and are just trying to act like they hear nothing.
Can you recognize different seasons of faith in your life? What season are you in right now, and how can you tell? What questions do you find yourself asking when it comes to matters of faith?
I think its good to be attuned to the beep that makes you ask why (writes one to another)…..it makes us think deeper, in a more rounded manner……if we were made this way, it must be for some reason….{A FMF friend}
Thank you, Helen. It’s good to know I’m not the only one. So glad you stopped by today.
TC, we met 38 years ago. The person you know yourself to be now is a lot like the person I have been observing all this time! Maybe the asking why is a little newer, but doing your own thing has seemed like your modus operandus from the start.
My season: becoming attuned to what it means to what it means to walk the final years of life gracefully in victory and hope straight on into the gates to of my next home. I want to go out on a high note. I want to undo the harm I may have done in the past, have strong affirming relationships, and most importantly make the goodness of God the only assumption in life that I do not question. It has led me to rewrite my philosophy of life, my goals in relationships, and altered the very roots of my hope. When I stopped asking God to prove he was good, all of the rules changed. Whereas I was blind, now I see! If the “why” trail does not lead to because-God-is-good, it is just another rabbit-hole. I find that I am lost again: embittered over my suffering, focused on disappointment, unwilling to care or fight or pray to have God’s Kingdom come and see his good, good will done. And that makes me grumpy, negative and ineffective. If God is not good, I do not have any will to live. Now Lord, let thy servant depart in peace, and when I go let me leave behind a lot of delighted, hopeful companions who remember me and smile because I made your goodness real to them!
Thank you for these insights. Trusting in God’s goodness isnt something I’ve struggled with up until the more recent season of my life. I guess these curcumstances have really put my faith to the test, and I don’t know how well I’m doing. But I’m surprisingly okay with that. ?!?
I loved the comment above from “Uncle Wes”. I question the formula answers these days. They don’t prove to be 100% effective. As I’m saying that I want to turn to a new book which tries to give a formula for changing habits. LOL!
Gabriele, LOL is a value I obviously share! Maybe we should exchange books! If the book of my life isn’t ready for publishing, I do have a complete collection of Far Side cartoons which has never failed me!
I don’t know whether you were commenting on my post or not, but lest my thoughts be considered formulaic, let me just add that the simple shift to assert God is Always Good was not intended as a universal solution. Rather it is a fundamental assumption. It is the kind of assumption that is like the tree roots one grasps as he/she drops off the cliff to preserve life and limb. In that way it is like Theism, Atheism, assumptions about Origins, Jesus Christ and the authority of Scripture. If God is not good, life is not meaningful nor worth living (for me at least). It is the air I breathe, the concrete underfoot. It is the plumbline by which all thoughts and feelings are weighed. It is experientially reformulated in every context and represents a primary source of situational wisdom to me much as a verse in Proverbs might.
Blessings to all,
U.W.
Maybe it’s not a lack of questions that makes others seem content in the midst of turmoil, but a different question. I’ve found “why?” To be very frustrating because even if I know a little bit of why, the pain doesn’t subside, the healing doesn’t miraculously happen, the storm doesn’t disappear. The question that I’ve had the most peace with is “how?” How do you want to use me, Lord? What’s my next step? Where do you want me to go?
I’ve definitely been asking lots of questions lately, to God, doctors, family. I’ve had no answers for why, but how, what and where have had a few.
Thank you, my friend, for this insight. These are good, productive questions. Maybe I’ll sit in the “why” for a bit and be able to move towards asking “how” one day.