Taken from Selby Av side; 2006. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I want to be fearless and brave and bold.
I’m also a chicken.
I want to be true and tell you all the things I think about
women
church
God
relationships
loving others
living boldly
being free to be passionate and alive
But I’m also afraid I’ll hurt someone’s feelings,
That I’ll say something wrong,
That I’ll reflect badly on the people closest to me, even though my issues are my issues and I own that.
Let’s start with this:
My dad’s career was as a pastor. That shapes you a lot.
I’m also from Minnesota, a firstborn people-pleaser who has always played the role of mediator and peacekeeper.
That’s a two-fer, almost a trifecta.
I am way more steeped in evangelicalism than I ever realized as I was growing up.
I am also way more uncomfortable with it than I was growing up. Quite uncomfortable, actually.
That’s not easy to admit, because I understand the deep deep ties it creates, how someone’s entire world can be shaped by their evangelical worldview. To question that can appear as a crisis of faith.
Maybe it is.
It sure feels unsettling.
I also think there is room in my relationship with God for a wrestle-fest (“relationship with God” = evangelicalism <— see how that sneaks into stuff?).
There’s room for questions and ponderings and convictions and flying leaps from the top rope, cape flapping behind. I feel the wind rush past my face as I fly through the air, hoping to tackle God and wrastle Him to the mat so I can get some straight answers.
For now there’s only the whistling of the wind as I jump.
*****
This has become a habit around here. Every Friday I try to link up with Lisa-jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday. She offers a word prompt, people write for five minutes flat, then link their posts to her site, and the virtual potluck begins. It is open to anyone who wants to be a part of it. Here’s the link: http://lisajobaker.com Check it out!
Chicken seems to follow my hopes of being fearless, brave and bold too. Bless you!
Let’s both work through the chicken, even if we have to squeeze our eyes shut and just go for it. Should we hold hands? That might help me.
Good gravy, we need to go to coffee.
I’m laughing out loud over here. You are so wonderful, such an unexpected blessing to me already. Coffee it is!
Can I tell you something? Your bravery in sharing this is giving me the courage to get to that point where I can share more of where I came from and why I’m not there anymore. Thank you for this…good words that I needed today. 🙂 Blessings and happy Friday to you!
Wow, thank you so much. That is so encouraging to me. I’m so glad I could help you muster your courage, and imma gonna go read your post right now.
I loved it. Courage and faithful to yourself, that’s being true.
Great post…I also grew up raised and taught from the very start. I relate to so much of what you said. Thanks for sharing…
Such honesty. Thank you for sharing words that both encourage me and challenge me.
It gets easier, the more you jump 🙂 And if you choose to be kind no matter what you’re thinking or writing, you may be surprised how few feathers you actually ruffle. People need respect and love and genuine kindness. And they also need authenticity. So go for it!
And remember what the angels keep saying all throughout the Bible – “fear not!”
Thank you, Julia. These are good words to help guide me along, spoken from someone who’d know about it firsthand. Fear not!