This is an excerpt from the first draft of the project I’m working on during November. The working title is HAPPY CAMPERS. It is a Work In Progress (WIP) and for all I know, this portion won’t stay in the final product. Heck, I don’t even know if this girl’s name should really be Abby, but I like the ways you can tweak it, so I’m going with it for now.
Why am I posting this?? It’s because I’d like to give you a glimpse of what’s taking all my spare minutes this month. I want to be brave and share the writing thing that I’m so passionate about, even if I’m still learning how to do it well. …And I want you to tell me how great it is and how much you like it. That said, I do realize we can’t always get what we want. 😉
****
‘I can’t do this,’ she thought.
She stood on a small platform at the top of a 60 foot pole. Each rung of the ladder she had sent up a little prayer, but now she stood, clipped to the wire, with nothing between her and certain demise on the forest floor.
‘What was I thinking?’
From miles below she heard Jay’s voice, confident and strong.
“You can do this!” he proclaimed, and for an instant she believed him.
Then she rocked forward on her toes, only tipped forward a centimeter but it was enough to make her stomach lurch and throw her bodily functions into panic mode.
“I just peed my pants a little bit,” she screeched. “This is the worst idea ever. I’m coming down!”
She could hear Jay laughing down below.
Marshall chimed in from his safe spot next to Jay on terra firma.
“Come on, Abigail, you know the only way down is the zip line. You’ve coached people on how to do this.”
“I was lying. This is a death trap. There’s no way I can do this,” she yelled at him. “And also, I hate you.”
Marshall and Jay now hooted with laughter from their place of safety on the ground.
Abigail checked her harness again, triple checked her carabineer. She ran through the reasons why she was up on the platform, but she came up empty. She couldn’t remember why it had seemed so important to her, what compelling reasons drove her up into the trees. None of them could have been sufficient enough to trust her life to a diaper of webbing and a tiny wire cable. Her parents would say this was foolhardy.
“I’m coming up,” Jay announced. He was already enroute, and experience told her all her words couldn’t stop him once he had begun his ascent. She had to do this on her own. She knew he wanted to help her but she had to do this without him. Now he had started a timer and she resented him for it.
“Stop,” she yelled. “I can do this myself.”
“Then do it,” he said from his spot on the ladder 50 feet below her. “If you don’t I’m gonna push you off.”
“That’s not funny.” She tried to fight the tears but they stung the corners of her eyes. “Seriously, go away Jay. I’m scared.”
“I know, ‘Gaily. I’ll help you.” He was even closer now. “I won’t joke around anymore, promise.”
“Go away, Jay. I’ll do this my own way. You can’t help me.” Her voice shook with fear and adrenaline, her body buzzed with dizziness and nausea. She could hardly breathe.
Voices visited her, reminding her of things she didn’t know she’d retained, mental pictures flashed in her mind of situations she didn’t know she’d taken to heart.
You’re not your own. You belong to God and your body is his temple.
You’re not going to wear that young lady. You will cause boys to stumble.
What’s so hard to understand? You need to honor God with your life, and a B in biology doesn’t honor God with your mind.
Those musicians are being used to divert your attention from God. We won’t allow that music in this house. Why can’t you listen to one of those new Christian bands? They’re just as good.
Did you forget the Genesis story? It was Eve who pulled Adam down into sin with her.
All at once she was defeated. Time slowed down. She felt the pressure of her helmet against her skull. She felt the cut of the rope against her hand. She felt the sweat drip down her back and she knew she couldn’t do it. She was stupid to think she could do it. She should have known better. She was being proud and arrogant to even try, falling into rebellion again and deceiving herself to think it was anything nobler than that.
****
There you have it. My first attempt to share from a brand new WIP. I’ll try to keep you posted on how the story develops and what happens to Abby. For now, this is what I feel comfortable sharing (although “comfortable” is an exaggeration — it truly makes my heart pound to think of putting this out there). Enjoy, and have a wonderful week!
Gary Downing says
GOOD WIP! You really capture the irrational paralysis people often encounter when faced with a challenge like a zip line. Hey one little detail…I had trouble making the transition to her random inner dialogue of memories. It might help to even somehow indicate they were a stream of consciousness random thoughts that popped in her head. I couldn’t help but remember “freezing” on jumping off a 25 ledge into a cold, Boundary Water lake (having dived off a 43 foot cliff just the year before!!) You capture the trauma graphically!
Peace, DAD+
Date: Wed, 6 Nov 2013 16:55:49 +0000 To: garydowning@hotmail.com
The Inkubator says
Thanks for saying such nice things. It’s interesting that you point out the last section as a slight hitch because I thought about NOT including that portion but ending earlier than felt like it cut off in an awkward spot. Believe me, I know this’ll need a lot of work, so thanks for being part of my process.