This was my first writer’s conference. I knew going in that it would be a good learning experience, that it would show me more of the inner workings of the publishing/writing world.

 

A month prior, I had attended a writer’s group that focused on conferences and how to prepare for them. I learned about a “one sheet”, something I had never read anything about in all the research and reading I had done to learn about publishing. I had been advised about being prepared and being open, making space to absorb information and experiences. I’d been encouraged to keep a weather-eye out for those who might be having a difficult time and do what I could to befriend folks in that situation.

 

This might come as news, but I can be both an extrovert AND an introvert. When I lean towards introversion, it’s not a discomfort with people, but it’s more of going into observation mode. There are times when something in me shifts into being quieter and more of an observer than a contributing participant, though I’m still actively participating.  I try to listen well and I find it profoundly interesting to observe people as they express themselves.

 

I relegated that to the background and put on my most extroverted hat. I welcomed others to join circles I stood in, walked with a stranger to a workshop, asked another woman to join me at a session, and basically wanted to I’ve myself an award for being Miss Congeniality…but I might only qualify for the before-makeover rather than the after-makeover:

 

The biggest thing was that I had an opportunity to have a ten minute meeting with an agent.

 

This sounds like a huge development but it’s not so much. Anyone could pay a little more and get one of these meetings, so it wasn’t based on merit or anything. That’s not to say it wasn’t a great opportunity, and I wanted to make the most of it.

 

This particular agent had visited the writer’s group after the conference last year, and I bought her book which was all about agents: the whole process of getting an agent, what they do, the editing process, everything. Last year she was quite engaging and approachable, and she works at a big name agency in Christian publishing, so I thought I’d give it a go.

 

[A word about Christian publishing: I’m not totally convinced this is the place for me, except that because of my background, I can’t help but have Christianity inform my writing. I mean, I guess I could help it, but I choose to let it co-mingle with my writing. However, the traditional conservative evangelical Christianity that’s going around is not something I’m comfortable with. {Full disclosure: I have not left our church even though it would totally fit this description.} We can talk more about that another time, but I must tell you this was a step back into a world I once inhabited with no qualms. Now I’ve got serious qualms of all sorts. It was really interesting.]

 

Back to the meeting.

 

 

It was short.

 

She was lovely.

 

She said the idea behind my Kettle River Meal Swap manuscript is interesting and she liked it.

 

She is not accepting any first-time authors at this time.

 

In a lot of ways, this ought to be encouraging. She didn’t say the idea was junk or that my one-sheet was a mess of errors or my writing was misguided. She may have just been being kind but she didn’t shut me down that way.

 

Is that good or bad?

 

It’s both.

 

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Writing is such a self-motivated thing.

 

 

 

Nobody external cares whether you write or not. And that’s not some way of asking for people to tell me it matters. It’s truly okay. It’s a reality. It’s an internal drive that pushes you to want to write, to make space for that. And it can make you less than a competent judge of your own work and the open or closed doors you encounter.

 

Was this meeting a motivator to approach other agents to see if they A. are a good fit and B. would want to take me on as a client? Sure! After all, the agent I met with didn’t put the kabash on my novel, although she did say that it’s still a little too short at 73,000 words. That’s ok, I can beef that up. But there’s also the possibility that she was trying to let me down gently, that if my story idea or writing was so compelling that she would have picked me up regardless of the busyness of her last year when she launched two first time novelists, which would (I assume from what she implied) take a lot of energy and deal-working.

 

So how to know?

 

It’s back to what I want to pursue. Is having a traditionally published novel a goal and what am I willing to do to get there?

 

You always hear the rejection stories from people who did finally get their book published.  They ignored the rejections or learned from them, and pressed on until they finally found a home for their work.

 

You hear that it usually takes years and years to make that happen.

 

What you don’t hear about is the loads of people who had to give up.

 

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Everyone who writes has to decide their definition of “success”. Is it success to take from within the concepts and ideas we’ve got, to write and express them? Is it success to be brave enough to put these out into the light, into the world in any form? Do those words need to be useful and ultimately uplifting, helpful to those who need to feel connection with someone else in the universe, or can they exist for their own sake rather than serving some higher purpose? Or is success only when those words are put into book form and distributed into the world for monetary gain?

See? It can go many different ways.

For now, I’m going to go back to the computer, back to the library, back to my bookshelf and do more research on other places that might be a good fit for my writing. Maybe that means entering contests, maybe that means putting my book away for a while and working on other writing, maybe that means letting go of it altogether. Time will offer a better perspective on this than I can get right now, so I’ll have to accommodate time’s passing.

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Can I ask you a question?

What would you like to see more of in this space? I’ve been typing away for a long time, and I want to be a value-added to your day. What would be useful to you? Do you come here for anything specific? Would you like a way to engage more? Do you find anything that sticks with you after you go away from reading here?

I want to make a difference, even if that means providing a breather in the midst of the frenetic pace of life. So tell me, what would be helpful for you?

I can’t wait to hear what you think!