My Problem With Princesses

30
Apr

Disney Princess Realness. (Photo credit: partymonstrrrr)

Some people have a problem with princesses. They think princesses are fluffy, vaporous, weak, voiceless or inconsequential. Maybe they think of a prissy girl who whines to get her way or is spoiled and adverse to work, ala Nellie Oleson from Little House on the Prairie. Remember Nellie and her Nellie curls?

I can see their point. Princess conjures up images of a child in too many crinolines who turns up her nose at cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off.

We generally don’t think of princesses as being people of power or influence. They’re more people of manipulation, pawns to be traded in marriage for treaties with other lands, demure fragile creatures who frequently made use of smelling salts and schemes to get the prettiest ribbons.

Not exactly a flattering picture is it?

It’s no wonder the idea gets dismissed.

There are a lot of women in Christian circles trying to reclaim their self-esteem and identity by taking on the mantle of royalty. The idea is that if one follows God and identifies as a daughter of God, also called the King of Glory, that relationship makes her a princess. In a lot of ways this shift in attitude helps people have more self-respect and approach the world with more confidence.

If “princess” conjures up fragility, fickleness or being trapped in a tower waiting to be saved by someone else, this role will not work for you.

Super Blast Princess Daisy, Flicker

When I think of princesses, sometimes I imagine someone more along the lines of one of the Charlie’s Angels or Lara Croft. Powerful, feminine, intelligent and strong…okay Cameron Diaz’s character wasn’t too smart, but she had other strengths.

When female Christians try to claim an identity as princesses, I admit it rubs me the wrong way. It sounds corny or as if they didn’t get to live out their princess-y dreams of childhood. And with all the glitter and “Pink” written across in velour across shapely backsides, I can understand the hesitation to identify with the old version of princess.

Plus, I’m an adult. I don’t need to regress into being a sequin-clad toddler diva who gets animal crackers with pink icing, picks out only the giraffes because they’re my favorite (they’re not – I tend to favor the hippos and elephants) and throws tantrums to get my way.

However,

I don’t know of many women who don’t want to be made to feel special.

Valued,Beautiful,

Worth listening to,

With a perspective that is worthwhile and valid.

There are times when we who follow Jesus need to have an attitude check about how we view ourselves and whether we’re accurately honoring our heritage of being adopted into God’s family. Most times that has to do with relation to the world around us, but it is an internal exercise as well. How do we view and treat ourselves? Are we treating ourselves with respect? What kind of messages are we giving ourselves during that internal dialogue that’s constantly running in our heads?

Maybe princess isn’t the right term.

Maybe queen…

Hmmm…that might not work.

What about Secretary of State, or Madame Speaker? Madame Pope?

None of those are quite right either.

CEO doesn’t do it, nor does Mother.

So until someone comes up with a term that adequately sums up the struggle of being heard despite being a female, being seen as having a relevant voice despite having breasts, being intelligent as well being able to express emotions, princess might have to do it for us,

For now…

Unless the word “woman” is the term we’ve been looking for all along. Then it might be staring at us from our own mirrors and we’re just not able to recognize it yet.

Do you think “princess” is the right word to identify the women in your life? Do you ever have to wrestle down negative messages about yourself? How do you accomplish it? How can you treat yourself with love today?

Changing Your Mind: Waffling vs. Maturity

22
Apr

We’ll also call this post Waffle-Eating Waffle Heads, just for fun.

Changing your mind might not be a sign of a weak position.

In politics we view with disdain a candidate changing his/her position on an issue. It is sometimes seen as a weakness or lack of understanding of political complexities. However, the ability to hold a new and opposing position alongside one already believed is actually an indicator of a growing ability to reason (maybe not in politics, since how much actual reason is used in that arena??).

There are a lot of people who cannot do this. Tons of them.

There are many people who, once they come to a conclusion, are unwilling to hear about anything that contradicts that conclusion.

You run into this a lot in Christian circles.

Take for example, the topic of women in leadership.

Okay, I know they aren’t waffles. They’re Swedish Pancakes. But they’re also a tasty breakfast food!

Many people have feelings about this. Feelings they hold deeply because the implications of changing a view affects their world with a ripple, like fluffing air under a sheet when you’re making the bed.

If women have a right to be in leadership, what positions of leadership? Is there a top end? Is it an arbitrary top end or is there Biblical evidence for it? Could there be a female Pope? What about women in leadership roles outside the church? Oh no, is this going to affect my interactions with that woman in middle management at work, the one I’ve given passive aggressive attitude all these years? Will this have implications for the way I parent with my spouse? You know what? Forget it. Entertaining this new idea is too much work.

Too much work.

And it is work, but remember what that used to be like? Try to remember times when the world was opening up to you, when you found out about new ideas, more efficient strategies for organizing information, totally world-changing theories or worldviews that you had to work to understand. It was at once an exciting and threatening time, because your previously held views were being challenged.Why do adults think that once they hit a certain age their thoughts and beliefs must be set in cement?

I understand that it is important to know ones values and figure out the main tenants of your approach to life. But in the details, in the subtle ways our thoughts inform our attitudes, isn’t it fair to think there could be continued maturation and growth?

Rather than being intimidated or threatened by new ideas, I really think it is healthy to allow yourself to entertain new concepts. Just considering a new idea or belief doesn’t make you a heretic nor does it disvalue the beliefs you already hold. It does show evidence of a mature intellect that can see the merit in something that was previously unknown or misunderstood. You might be shocked to learn that in many instances…

People who hold beliefs that are different than yours hold those beliefs for a reason, often reasons that are as well-thought-out as the beliefs you hold.

I’m a big believer in conversations. We can all learn something from talking to other people, finding out what they think and why. New ideas don’t have to be scary or intimidating, and they can even solidify the reasons why you hold the beliefs you do.

On that note, let’s talk! What changes have you had in your approach to the world? In what ways have you changed your mind over time?

Scared-y Cat

6
Apr

This post is a result of a writing prompt coordinated by Lisa Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/) . Here’s what she says about it:

On Fridays around these parts we like to write. Not for comments or traffic or anyone else’s agenda. But for pure love of the written word. For joy at the sound of syllables, sentences and paragraphs all strung together by the voice of the speaker.
We love to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. For five minutes flat.

Today’s Writing Prompt: After

I tried my first Five Minute Friday post and when I got done with my first five minutes, I balked. Full on chicken moment. It was too personal. It was about childbirth. It was about my daughter. It was about the pain of growing up and common hurts we all face as we grow into adults.

And I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t share it.

I already hide behind a pen name (do you think my parents named me Nita Holiday for real?). It’s mostly in an attempt to separate my writing life and other life. It’s mostly for myself, as an indicator of what hat I’m wearing when I sit down to write.

But it’s also to protect others. My husband. My children. My extended family.

If you don’t know who I am, you can’t judge me. If I keep you at arm’s length, you can’t dismiss me as being too old, too young, too female, too northern. If you deal only with the image I extend to you, then my anonymity keeps me safe.

It also keeps me from dealing with the people around me, making me brave on paper and a people-pleaser in person.

189/365 July 8 – Better Late Than Never (Photo credit: Sharon Drummond)

You Are Not Ordinary

8
Mar

Back in elementary school, kids frequently got pulled out of class for various reasons. There were always people coming and going: bathroom breaks, trips to the nurses office, delivering the attendance and lunch count to the office, help with reading. But more noteworthy were the times when a couple select children would leave the room at the same time to go to a special class for gifted kids. They never said much about it, and I was too self-absorbed to be curious about it (those projects weren’t going to magically cut themselves out of construction paper).

These were the kids who were known as brainy or creative. They weren’t shunned because of it, they were respected, even admired. There was the tall, Amazonian girl with the flowing red hair, the preppy blond boy with ruddy complexion and quick wit, the shy girl with the notebook of beautiful sketches. They were mysterious, dynamic and exclusive; not just anyone could be a part of their special club. You couldn’t simply perform a dare and prove your worthiness; it required an assessment administered by professionals. I wanted to be gifted. I wanted to a part of their club. And when it didn’t happen, I felt it. I felt less special because I wasn’t as special as they were.

Dash, in the movie The Incredibles, is in elementary school and has a hard time restraining his special superpower: speed. His mom, Helen (the mild-mannered alter-ego persona to her Elastigirl), lectures him in the car, goes on about how he must conceal his secret powers. He wants to be special. Helen tells him that everyone is special. Dash replies, “Which means that nobody is.”

If everybody’s special, does that mean that nobody is special?

What’s so wrong with being ordinary?

There is a belief subtly creeping into Christian circles that if you are obedient and genuinely follow God, He will bless you. You’ll be successful, you’ll be wise and avoid major pitfalls in life, you’ll be affluent. Nevermind that the Bible teaches, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart. I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 and don’t freak out just yet, I don’t usually throw Bible quotes around.) The belief that we will be outwardly successful is a twist on the already insidious Prosperity Gospel that leads to disillusionment and doubt.

I’ve seen too many true followers of Jesus have heart-wrenching struggles and calamities to buy into Prosperity Theology or the Health and Wealth Gospel. It implies that if you just believed more, you wouldn’t get passed over for that promotion. If you just prayed more diligently, your child wouldn’t get that disease, your house wouldn’t catch on fire, or that cute boy would like you.

It doesn’t happen like that.

Construction paper colors (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We aren’t special because of the external things that have gone well for us. We aren’t ordinary because we live regular lives. We are all special (and we are) because we are made in the image of God, called by Him to wholeness and a true identity in Christ. We are most fully released to be most true selves when we internalize our status as thoroughly adored by the Creator who knows us better than we know ourselves.

That’s one reason why I love the title of this blog: www.aroyaldaughter.com She understands her true identity. Ultimately, she is a royal daughter. She is (at risk of sounding corny) a princess.

Being a Royal means that you might live differently, more confidently, willing to take risks, more engaged in the world around you. You might have more compassion or be in tune with places that need support and then feel equipped to do something about it. You might be more appreciative of all the good around you that you had nothing (or very little) to do with and yet it is yours to benefit from and enjoy. You might choose to speak in a way that befits one with a royal lineage.

So since you are made in the image of God, whether you actively follow Him or not, how might that make you more awake today? What thoughts could you think, what things could you do if you believed that you were in fact, royalty?

Yakkity Yak: Talking Women and Church

11
Feb

At our church two weeks ago during a sermon, the pastor lost me. It wasn’t because he was expounding on a difficult theological concept. It was because he put his hand behind his head and moved his hand in the sign for talking too much. He conveyed his illustration of a different sermon point with the idea that women talk too much. I was so mad, I didn’t hear anything else he said.

Last weekend I was at my friend’s cabin with a bunch of women and there was a lot of talking. But beyond the normal range of catching up and visiting, a few of the women seemed to dominate the conversation. As in, they got started and would even talk OVER one another.

When I take my scrapbook stuff away from home, this is how I roll.

One night, all I could do was get in a smart aleck comment every so often because they

couldn’t.

stop.

talking.

They wore me right out.

So is the pastor wrong?

Do women talk too much?

Some men talk a lot. That seems to be okay. Does it really matter if some women talk a lot?

Not all women talk a lot And because Christian culture has traditionally been repressive of women, it would be hard to err to far into letting women have a voice.

The pastor, because of his position, is presumed as an example of the viewpoint of his church. If he makes a sarcastic remark in his sermon, this is counted as the church’s position on women: they talk too much. How’s that for a first impression on a visitor? His comment was belittling and condescending to women. It may have been in jest, but he went too far when he made it about all women rather than making it specifically about one woman, ie. his wife (like that’s not a cliché that hasn’t been beaten into the ground — get some new material in that joke book, please.).

My weekend with my friends may have been a non-stop jabberflappy lip-fest, but we had a lot of catching up to do and a limited amount of time in which to do it. We had to talk fast to get it all in! And these chatty women don’t always talk that extensively. This get-away was a safe space to share freely about our lives and what’s been going on.

If that pastor’s opinion is that his wife talks too much, then he should take it up with her. He should not blanket an entire gender because of the traits of one person. And he certainly should not use the pulpit to put down women, who do so much for the church and the people in it. If he was trying to be funny, it was an epic fail. And it pains me to think that someone was visiting and went away thinking that was the church’s position towards women.

…unless that position was accurate, which would force me to become the women’s advocate at that church, because Christ never went out of his way to silence women. If anything, He was about including and validating women. The Church as a whole needs to get it together and acknowledge the vital role women already play. And then it needs to pass out new joke books to all the speaking pastors.

TC Larson

Stories and Mischief

My Problem With Princesses

Changing Your Mind: Waffling vs. Maturity

Scared-y Cat

You Are Not Ordinary

Yakkity Yak: Talking Women and Church