Getting Organized at Home, Final Part 3

16
Oct

We’ve talked about getting organized and tailoring your routines to match your needs. We’ve talked about tackling the things that bug you and working in small chunks of time. I’ve got one more realization to share with you, but before we get to that, I did a little investigative documentation yesterday.

After the kids got on the bus, I timed myself doing my normal routines. The one difference was that I stayed on task (not something I do easily) and did the chore uninterruptedly from start to finish. Here are my results:

Make bed and clean up bathroom (wiped down the sinks, mirrors and toilet, changed the hand towels) = 10 minutes

Empty the dishwasher = 5 minutes

Load the dishwasher = 5 minutes

Tidy up living room/dining room and vacuum both = 10 minutes

Putting away miscellaneous papers, clothes, books and stuff = 5 minutes

All these tasks added up to a total of 35 minutes.

35 minutes.

That’s it.

That’s when I force myself not to get distracted from one job by another job, when I force myself to not dwell on the old greeting card I just found in a stack of papers I was sorting (just as an example).

35 minutes, and my house is a place in which I can sit or invite someone over without being annoyed or embarrassed by the tasks that need doing.

When you break it down, it isn’t quite as daunting anymore.

Organizing Your Meals

I had another area that took me a long time to adjust: meal preparation. When you’re a couple, you have flexibility and the capability to fend for yourselves when necessary.

When you’ve got children, they depend on your to feed them.

It should be obvious, I know, but it took me a long time to catch on to.

For a long time, when dinner rolled around it caught me off guard. I mean, didn’t these children just have a snack an hour ago? How can they possibly be hungry? For them to expect dinner seemed so unreasonable. In reaction, we’d run out and get fast food, or we’d try and go to a “sit-down” restaurant (because at all the other restaurants you’re forced to stand??). We’d end up stressed out from trying to contain impatient, hungry toddlers, or we’d be stressed because we spent too much money on eating out.

Not a winning situation.

meal planning (Photo credit: LizMarie_AK)

When I finally realized that these people, however unreasonable, were going to want to eat EVERY DAY, we made a couple changes.

1. I joined a meal co-op.

The meal co-op was a fun idea that worked well for a while. I won’t go into great detail here, but it was a group of moms who delivered hot meals to one another.

2. I froze meals.

Freezing meals worked wonders for us. For example, we weren’t at a point where we could eat an entire 9×13 pan of lasagna. By preparing it in two smaller dishes and freezing one of them, we got two meals out of the deal. I found a fantastic book that had recipes that my family enjoyed and didn’t require a lot of exotic ingredients. It is still a go-to cookbook for me, and I recommend it to anyone, even just as a good general entrée cookbook. http://amzn.to/18lWh4I

3. I stocked up supplies for quick dinners.

Everyone has times when they just don’t feel like cooking, but eating out is expensive and not particularly healthy. We started keeping on-hand supplies for quesadillas and refried beans, soup and sandwiches, or taco salads. These don’t take much work, and my kids will eat them. It saved us stress, time and money.

4. If there was something I knew we needed regularly, rather than buying one I bought two.

For a long time I bought only what we’d need once we were almost out of it, and didn’t think ahead to when we’d need it again. Sometimes this was because it was cost prohibitive for me to buy ahead, but sometimes it was just a lack of planning. As we got more established, and I got better at managing our home expenses, it saved us trips to the store which in turn saved us money since we weren’t picking up all those little extras that end up in the cart when you shop with three children.

There you have it.

Getting our meals organized has made our supper times much more enjoyable. There are many tools out there to help you plan your meals, even planning out a couple weeks in advance, so I won’t offer those here. However, I do think that having a plan cuts down on the hunger induced crabbiness and anger that can well up when everyone wants food and no one knows what to do about dinner. It can also help the main chef in the house share the work of cooking. When there’s a plan, the chef can point out things others can do to help out.

I hope this series has been helpful. It comes from learning it slowly over time, the hard way.

My goal for structure is to get things done and thus free me up to have adventures and fun everyday, investing in friendships and relationships. Rather than rigid schedules or routines, these little helpers are there to serve you and keep things working smoothly in your home so it can be a place people (including the people who live there) can be welcomed and valued.

I’m always on the lookout for other ideas to make things easier around family life. If you’ve got any favorite routines or tips, please share them with the rest of us! And as always, thank you so much for reading.

Getting Organized at Home, Part 2

10
Oct

laundry (Photo credit: bies)

I think this is going to be a three part series, just like a good sermon, right? But my main points aren’t all going to start with the same letter. You’ll just have to find another way to remember them. 😉

This month I had a revelation.

Some of you are really smart and have already known this thing for years. It was such an unspoken assumption that you never thought to mention it to me. But it really was a new thought in my head.

Wanna hear it?

My revelation is simple.

It dawned on me as I was emptying the dishwasher that I will have to do this EVERY DAY.

Whaaaat??!

Yes. It is no longer a once every couple days type of thing. It is an every day activity.

The same goes for laundry (well, almost every day).

The same goes for dinner.

These things must happen every single day.

When my family consisted only of me and my husband, we could go days before the dishwasher would be full enough to justify running it. Laundry was only as needed, maybe once or twice a week. We could whip up meals easily and in a pinch we could scrounge a series of snacks and call it good.

Not so once you have a bigger family.

These people want to eat all the time.

And they must be forced to wear clean clothes or, if you’re not watching, they’ll wear the same thing four days in a row and two of those days there was mud adventures and coloring time with sidewalk chalk and markers.

Plus they can’t do much of the heavy lifting chores themselves. That will change but for now, it mainly fall to the person who stays at home with this wild crew.

And that’s me.

Everyday Flexible Routines

Part of my problem is that I don’t love routines.

Traditionally they’ve made me feel confined and limited, bossed around, if you will.

Dishwasher, open and loaded with dishes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But as I’ve tried to wrap my head around the necessity of routines, I’ve realized they also free me up to be able to keep one step ahead of the other people in my house.

If I keep up on the laundry, then nobody is bugging me for clean socks two minutes before the bus arrives.

If I make sure the dishwasher is emptied (by me or the child who is assigned that duty) then everyone else can more easily put their dirty dishes INTO said dishwasher.

If I maintain a rough routine, it allows me space to schedule all kinds of other things because I know the bare bones have been taken care of.

Here is an example of the everyday tasks I’ve admitted need to be done every day:

Run a load of laundry, including folding and putting away (some days it doesn’t get put away but at least it is folded and clean).
Unload dishwasher. If there are any dishes left in sink that didn’t make it in before I washed it, load ’em up.
Make the stupid bed.
Wipe down bathroom sink and make sure clothes and other items aren’t left in there.

See? That’s not so bad. Some of these routines only take a minute but they contribute to a sense of order and cleanliness. (Dorky word choice but dontcha just feel better knowing that you’re not going to get a glob of toothpaste on your hand when you turn on the faucet in the bathroom? That’s the power of cleanliness)

Tackle What Bugs You

My list probably won’t look the same as yours.

For example, it makes me crazy to leave our bed unmade. In my head, it makes my entire room look like a disaster, and maybe it is, but the unmade bed just accentuates that fact.

But that’s my thing, and it may not be yours.

Other people need to vacuum every day, or change the sheets daily. This seems like overkill to me, but if that’s what helps you keep your ship afloat, you should do it.

Some people are highly sensitive to crumbs and must sweep all floors in order to be assured the five second rule (you know the one where you’re eating something and it fall s on the floor? You’ve got five seconds to pick it up before it is officially dirty) can be safely and confidently implemented.

Whatever your thing, be it mail, garbage, a pristine refrigerator crisper drawer, go ahead and make it part of your routine, but I would encourage you to only include the things that really create a hitch in your day if left undone. Most people can get by without washing their windows every day, but it is harder to ignore the food demands of a family. See the difference?

You’re the Boss of Your Routine

If you start to teeter into being unable to leave something undone, or if you’re habitually late because you can’t leave your house until you lock and relock the doors five times each, then you may need to step back and re-evaluate the role of routine. Is it helping you or is it controlling you? Remember,

You’re the boss of your routine, and it exists to serve your purposes, not vice versa.

The goal of organizing the home is to develop an atmosphere of hospitality, peace and security. A messy jumble of a house might be fun for a while, but it soon it starts to feel cluttered, stressful and unwelcoming. There’s a balance to be found — organized but not rigid, tidy but not sterile. Take a little time, look around your home, and figure out what things might need a little more daily attention and they’ll be so much more manageable for you. You can do it, and then put your feet up and reward yourself with a good book, knowing that you’re creating a home you’d want to live in!

You offered some helpful insights after the last post, and I would love to hear some other things that work for you to stay on top of the business of running your home. Let’s help one another.

Five Minute Friday: In-Between

29
Jun

Today’s post is part of a larger link up with Lisa-Jo Baker. She organizes Five Minute Friday. Anyone can participate, and you can find more details here: http://lisajobaker.com The idea is to write without censoring ourselves, nitpicking details or worrying about every little nuance. Turn off the perfectionism and release yourself to write for the pure pleasure of it using the word prompt she supplies each week. I personally invite you to give it a try — it’s a great way to find other interesting blogs and it is amazing how many different angles there can be from one word.

Word Prompt: In-Between

Ready. Set. GO.

I hate being in-between. I’ve felt in-between so many times in so many situations over the years that I’ve come to dread it.

In-between jobs, in-between life stages, in transition, inconvenient, insecure.

As a kid, I was in-between a lot. My dad was a pastor and I often felt stretched thin. There was the desire to shrug off the expectations of my family and of my faith, and just do what everyone else was doing. But when I tried that route, I didn’t fit where I thought others did, feeling instead guilt and self-consciousness at my discomfort in situations I knew were dicey. I couldn’t just shut down my conscience and roll with it.

Now that I’m adult, I feel in-between again. My husband and I chose to have me stay at home with the kids while they were little. I was 100% onboard. Now my youngest is getting ready to start kindergarten in the fall, and this opens up possibilities…

…or uncertainty.

You know, whichever you prefer.

The part of me that decided to stay home wants that availability for my children, wants the convenience of doing errands while the rest of the world is hard at work, wants to be the volunteer at the field trip, program or other kid activity.

The part of me that desires to do something other than take care of the kids, husband and home, that part of me is conflicted because, having been home for more than eight years, I feel like I’m back at the beginning again. Starting over. Any experience or education I had seems antiquated and obsolete. How does one start up an engine that has been sitting in the back 40 collecting rust?

artist in turkey (Photo credit: Maria & Michal P.)

There are gazillions of women like me, I don’t think for one second I’m alone in this, but it is hard to know where to begin again. The in-between feels so much like being set back, like restarting the life I had previously, before children, instead of being a new adventure.

I think that if I can tutor myself, tell myself those things I would tell my kids about attitude, new beginnings and taking chances, this in-between might be more comfortable, more positive, a year full of possibilities and rediscovering passions. And maybe in the midst of starting a new stage of our lives together as a family, we will all come to appreciate each other and who we all are as developing individuals, even their mom.

STOP

What do you think about your life station? What are you in-between right now? How do you deal stay positive during life transitions?

Fear, Waiting and Feeling A Fraud

3
Jun

Harp (Photo credit: spike55151)

It was a strange emotion, one that I couldn’t easily identify. It felt like a physical shift had taken place, like something had snapped off in my heart. It left a dull ache, a shortness of breath.

One moment I was fine, feeling confident and positive.

The next I felt hollow, as if someone had just let me in on a joke, and I was the butt of it.

I was the butt.

In trying to trace it back to its source, there was a conversation, the one when I was supposed to be thinking about new ways to develop my writing, except that 90% of the suggestions were things I already do naturally. So not only am I a know-it-all, now I’m a snob since I feel like I’ve got it pretty well figured out. Not that my novel’s published but I am on the right track.

It might have stemmed from the music on the radio, a harpist in the background playing a fairly simple, repetitive riff that was lovely and making the harpist millions. “I could do that,” I thought. And then it hit me: maybe I couldn’t do that. Maybe, although I play the harp and have since childhood, maybe I could never be that person who revels in being onstage, performing under pressure that way.

And that was it. The cogs clicked into place.

Maybe I’m a fraud.

Maybe I just think I’m a writer.

Maybe I just think I’m a good harpist.

Maybe I like the image of those roles and the sense of being set apart from regular, workadayjob people. If I can say I’m working on an article or preparing for a “gig” (see? even that sounds pretentious doesn’t it?) then I am doing something worthwhile, something more than simply being a stay at home mom.

In response to a failed attempt to make a tiger mask for my daughter’s school program, a dear friend gently pointed out that I can be domestic and not be crafty. WHAT?? I’m not crafty??

In the same way, I’m afraid that somewhere down the line a friend will gently pull me aside and tell me I’m more of an amateur writer than one with professional potential. That’s where the fear kicks in, when I think I’m on the road to being a writer and could discover, after I’ve worn out five pair of shoes, that I’ve been deluding myself this whole time, that I’m a dabbler not an author.

The harp thing, I can take that or lose it. I know that I was a skilled musician at one time, and in order to be one it takes a big investment of time and energy (having a pedal harp doesn’t hurt either). I don’t choose to invest my time that way now. I enjoy the music, I value music, but I don’t have to be the one playing it to benefit from it.

Is writing the same thing?

Will I look back on this time, shake my head and chuckle at my grandiose aspirations?

Possibly.

However, even while it is terrifying to say it out loud, I think I will always be glad I invested my time and energy in pursuing this dream. I don’t belittle the time I spent pursuing music, even though I don’t play in an orchestra or prestigious ensemble now. Why must a person continue the same activity over an entire life-span for it to count as a valid pursuit? Is it enough that a person put her whole heart into an endeavor, no matter how long that endeavor lasted?

I may be the butt of the joke, I may not realize how tiny I am or how microscopically small my chances are of being published, but isn’t it better to go after something with passion rather than sit idly by on the side-lines? What’s that phrase? Go Big or Go Home.

So even while it scares me and I think I may end up being a statistic,

I’m willing to invest time and energy in something I love doing, something that brings connection and joy, is a creative outlet and a salve for mind and soul, even if it ends up being for my own health and well-being. Even if people choose to look at my attempts as a joke,

I am willing to be the butt of that joke.

I’m going to be the biggest, best butt you ever did see.

Do you have any dreams that are taking a long time to happen? What do you do to counter-act fear in your life?

Invest in the end of the School Year

30
May

I want to tell you about something I’m doing, something worthwhile. You’re probably doing it too, and if you’re not, there’s probably still time to begin.

It’s not a big deal from the outside, except that it can be misinterpreted and look like something it’s not. It can look eerily similar to doing less rather than more.

I’m not the only one doing it, but I know that it can feel like a sacrifice, even while being a worthy, pleasant and chosen sacrifice.

What am I doing?

The school year is almost done and I’m pulling away from some of my own goals in order to be a part of my children’s special school activities.

See?

Elementary School Track & Field Day

It’s not a huge thing, right…or is it?

It doesn’t look identical to my version, but you’re probably doing this too in your own way, which is why I want to encourage and acknowledge your effort to be a part of your child’s life, education, friends and memories. Sometimes while we’re there, it seems like our kids don’t really care that we’re a part of that field trip or class party. But later on, when things have quieted and you have a moment together, they’ll probably let you know they were glad you took the time to be there.

Of course you want to be there, in theory.

Of course you want to know their teachers and friends.

Sometimes you can shuffle responsibilities and be at that pizza party, other times it can’t be done.

Sometimes doing what it takes to be there leaves you stressed and sweating.

Sometimes being there is a lot like work. And it can take away from time spent in other areas, even compounding tasks you had to leave for later.

It is worth it.

What if your kids are already on a break from school? You can still start doing nothing, or should I say, you can start being with your kids and put other agenda items on hold for a while. Maybe the beginning of summer break isn’t the best time to do that big clean-out-the-garage project. Maybe with all the kids home you don’t want to begin work on that novel you’ve been itching to write. Perhaps training for that marathon could wait a few weeks or until a different season so it wouldn’t have to take away the time spent with your kids and family.

Even if your child just wants to line up toys, doing it together is a gift.

So great job, friends, for doing less in certain areas so you can be more with your family. I know it isn’t easy, but when you reflect on your own growing-up years, most of us would probably have a new appreciation for the work it took to create positive memories and be present throughout the long but quick days of those foundational years. Be that invested parent. Be the parent you hoped you would be before you actually became one. It’s work, sure, but it is so worth it.

How do you best connect with your family? Are you satisfied with your relationships there, or are there steps you can take to foster deeper connection?

Changing Your Mind: Waffling vs. Maturity

22
Apr

We’ll also call this post Waffle-Eating Waffle Heads, just for fun.

Changing your mind might not be a sign of a weak position.

In politics we view with disdain a candidate changing his/her position on an issue. It is sometimes seen as a weakness or lack of understanding of political complexities. However, the ability to hold a new and opposing position alongside one already believed is actually an indicator of a growing ability to reason (maybe not in politics, since how much actual reason is used in that arena??).

There are a lot of people who cannot do this. Tons of them.

There are many people who, once they come to a conclusion, are unwilling to hear about anything that contradicts that conclusion.

You run into this a lot in Christian circles.

Take for example, the topic of women in leadership.

Okay, I know they aren’t waffles. They’re Swedish Pancakes. But they’re also a tasty breakfast food!

Many people have feelings about this. Feelings they hold deeply because the implications of changing a view affects their world with a ripple, like fluffing air under a sheet when you’re making the bed.

If women have a right to be in leadership, what positions of leadership? Is there a top end? Is it an arbitrary top end or is there Biblical evidence for it? Could there be a female Pope? What about women in leadership roles outside the church? Oh no, is this going to affect my interactions with that woman in middle management at work, the one I’ve given passive aggressive attitude all these years? Will this have implications for the way I parent with my spouse? You know what? Forget it. Entertaining this new idea is too much work.

Too much work.

And it is work, but remember what that used to be like? Try to remember times when the world was opening up to you, when you found out about new ideas, more efficient strategies for organizing information, totally world-changing theories or worldviews that you had to work to understand. It was at once an exciting and threatening time, because your previously held views were being challenged.Why do adults think that once they hit a certain age their thoughts and beliefs must be set in cement?

I understand that it is important to know ones values and figure out the main tenants of your approach to life. But in the details, in the subtle ways our thoughts inform our attitudes, isn’t it fair to think there could be continued maturation and growth?

Rather than being intimidated or threatened by new ideas, I really think it is healthy to allow yourself to entertain new concepts. Just considering a new idea or belief doesn’t make you a heretic nor does it disvalue the beliefs you already hold. It does show evidence of a mature intellect that can see the merit in something that was previously unknown or misunderstood. You might be shocked to learn that in many instances…

People who hold beliefs that are different than yours hold those beliefs for a reason, often reasons that are as well-thought-out as the beliefs you hold.

I’m a big believer in conversations. We can all learn something from talking to other people, finding out what they think and why. New ideas don’t have to be scary or intimidating, and they can even solidify the reasons why you hold the beliefs you do.

On that note, let’s talk! What changes have you had in your approach to the world? In what ways have you changed your mind over time?

Helping Kids Deal with a Pet’s Death

4
Feb

We’ve had bad run of luck here with animals. But before I can tell you about it, I have to tell you about the transformation that’s been happening since we moved to our house two years ago.

We acquired our dog first, nothing unusual about that. Here he is (and yes, despite the scarf and painful cuteness, he is male):

Don’t I look sassy?

And then this past spring we got chickens.

Two of our chickens prancing around the coop.

The chickens did well and after a few months we started to get eggs from them each day. We settled into a good pattern.

Then somehow my husband talked me into getting a kitten. It was going to stay in the garage and be an outside cat. We kept her out of the house (except when she snuck in), but I didn’t manage to keep her out of my stupid heart. I don’t even like cats! But she was irresistible. She ended up being fun all the way around for everyone; she had a great personality. The kids loved and hated the way she attacked their feet when they went out into the mudroom for their coats or backpacks. Even when she tripped us on the way out the door, it was because of love.

It was all going so well.

Two weeks ago, our kitty met an untimely demise in our garage. She darted across the garage as my husband slowly entered, and she misjudged her own speed and agility. Her death was quick, for which I was grateful.

When it happened and we realized there was no saving her, it was a study in child development to watch how my kids reacted. After about five minutes, my first grader and preschooler asked when we could get a new cat. They wanted to pet her and say goodbye, but it was more of a scientific observation. “Here is a dead cat” type of thing. However, my third grade son retreated to his room, where he asked if he could watch a video or read his book. His eyes were watery and he was upset.

I felt the same way. I wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened, and my first reaction was to find something that could distract me from being sad. I’m a happy gal usually, and feeling sadness is…well, a bummer. I noticed again that when dealing with a difficult situation, my gut reaction is to retreat.

When my son felt the sadness of loss, I didn’t want him to have to feel those emotions. I wanted to cheer him up (and myself too). However, rather than ignore or dull the experience, I took a different approach.

When children feel pain, it is important to assure them it isn’t the final thing they will feel.

Feelings can be scary and overwhelming. Parents can help them walk through the intensity.

Here are a couple suggestions:

If you can, try to keep your own emotions somewhat in check. It can be scary for a child to see his parent openly distraught. Sharing some tears is healthy; asking your child to bear your grief is not.
Assure your child that it is okay to feel sad, that it a strong feeling, much the same as anger (which my son and I have talked about in the past).
Kids don’t need to hide from their feelings even though they were kindof overwhelming. The feeling “sad” is not a permanent emotion, and “happy” will return.
I told my son it was good to be sad because he had loved the kitty and when pets we love die, we feel sad and will miss them.

We got through it. We aren’t getting another cat, even though my first grader seems to have one picked out in his mind. In another blog post, I plan to talk about the difference between the way we handle life and death with animals that we have for food production versus pets.

Was this helpful to you? I sure hope so. How do you deal with strong emotions and life lessons with your kids? I’d love to hear about it. But in parting, I’ll leave you with a photo of our kitten (almost cat) climbing up on our windshield:

Fuzzy pic but still cute

So Much More than “Just a Mom”

29
Jan

We can be so dismissive. Here we go around all day trying to build up our families, build up our children, and yet we often describe our own role as one of little value.

“I’m just a mom.”

“I just stay at home with the kids.”

Why all the “justs” in these statements?

We are important. We help keep things together. We are what makes it possible for the family to sit down to dinner together, to not get yelled at for making personal calls during work hours, to go to bed before midnight since some of the tedious jobs required have been taken care of. We are important.

It is 100% fine if mothers want to work outside the home. They are just as important to their families and no less mother-y. And it is 100% fine if mothers want to stay home and not leave for a job. Lord knows there’s enough to do around the house just to keep things under control, kids in school or not. There is nothing “less than” about being a mom. Until people have done it, they can’t really understand how all-consuming it is, how much work it really is, and how wonderfully rewarding it can be.

Let’s agree that not everyone can stay at home with their kids. Some would if they had the choice but the economy of their family make-up dictates they produce an income. Some don’t because they have a desire to engage in their field of study or expertise. Admit it, you know there are some people who would go nuts if they stayed home with the kids. It’s just not the way they are wired.

We as women have an important choice – we can criticize one another or we can acknowledge that there are days when those of us who stay home wish we had a job to go to; staying home can be hard. There’s no reason for us to tear each other down. Women who came before us worked hard to see that we have the right to hold jobs and get equal(ish) pay for that work. And now we have the right to choose to stay home, even if it is only for a season.

Many times we think there is a commentary being made by someone who has not made the same choice we have. But what we don’t consider is that the reverse is true as well. Maybe we can all agree to think the best about one another, that we are doing the best we can for our families and for ourselves.