Our Scars Are Our Testimony

17
Jun

Life-saver after work (Photo credit: CoCreatr)

I have an energetic, adorable young friend. Let’s call him Crash. Crash has had a number of thrills and spills, many of which have landed him in the emergency room. He is six and a half years old and has already broken both arms and each of his legs. He’s crazy like that. Actually, he’s not crazy — he’s just an active boy who happens to fall in very unfortunate ways. One of his falls was particularly dramatic. He was staying at his grandparents farm for the weekend. Mom and Dad were away. There was a rock pile that just screamed his name, and he had to climb. It was marvelous fun…until he descended and the boulder descended quickly after. It fell on him and crushed his foot. It could have been so bad. It could have done long-lasting, serious damage. It could have required reconstructive surgery on his ankle. In the worst case scenario, it could have been fatal. So although Crash had to wear a cast on his leg for most of the summer, his parents felt blessed. It was the way they communicated that blessing and awareness of God’s protection to Crash that impressed me. They taught Crash the concept of an “Ebenezer” from the Bible. In the Old Testament, people would pile up some rocks as a makeshift monument to God after a milestone experience. Then later, when people saw the pile of stones, it would call to mind God’s faithfulness in difficulty. An Ebenezer served as a testimony to the people who experienced the event that demonstrated God’s faithfulness, and those who heard about the event. My friends rejoice in the scar on Crash’s foot because it is in the perfect place. A little further up, he would have had serious damage to his ankle, which has a difficult and long recovery time. A little further down and his toes would have been jeopardized. The boulder fell on a soft spot of Crash’s foot, the perfect spot for a boulder to fall. They physically brought the boulder back from the grandparents house and placed it in their yard, calling to mind the protection Crash had from further injury. Crash can even articulate how God was watching over him and points to his ability to jump on one foot (the foot that was squashed) as proof of God’s goodness. ******

Plaster cast on forearm/wrist/hand. Picture ta...

Not a leg cast, but you get the idea.

This really got me to thinking. How often do we hide our emotional scars and see them as a sign of weakness, rather than celebrating the healing, recovery and humility they produced? Instead of showing off our scars and testifying to God’s power, we hide them as a source of shame. We messed up, we miscalculated, we didn’t think before acting, and something unwanted happened. We could be upfront with this, but usually our instinct is to conceal our screw ups. Somehow we think people have an image of us as infallible. We think will disappoint them if we even admit we are capable of mistakes; imagine how bad it would be if something actually happened. But if we are honest about our shortcomings, we discover that, like scar tissue, we are stronger in that area than we were before, more aware of the dangers or the growth we need. And our relationships are stronger and deeper because they are based on mutual honesty and understanding. [Brene Brown has a lot to say about this (http://www.brenebrown.com), and she’s written books and traveled the country talking about shame and vulnerability. I highly recommend learning more about her.] Too often Church is a beauty pageant, with people prettying themselves up before they arrive, hiding their hurts behind a smile and a handshake. Do we think we will let others down if we admit we are the sinners Christ came to redeem? Isn’t that supposed to be common knowledge? As we continue down the path with Jesus, we get a few things sorted out, but we are still human and still fallible. Sometimes we start to think we’re not. Maybe we even start to become more like the Pharisees from Jesus’ day, the ones who thought they had it all figured out and were quick to point out other people’s shortcomings. We must fight this, no matter how secure we feel in our faith and relationship with Jesus. Because as much as we want to deny it, we are still in need of further transformation. We can always become more fully liberated to be the best version of ourselves. When we get cocky and condescending, it is a hiccup in this process, whether we are aware of it or not. No matter how much we think we’ve got it figured out, there is always more growth we can do. Do you have scars you could celebrate rather than hide? What do you communicate to others about their mistakes? What relationships can you trust to make more authentic and how?

Five Minute Friday: Comfort

10
May

This week’s prompt is: Comfort.

***

Cinch tight the soft cotton blanket until all his flailing parts are swaddled and he feels pulled together again.

Hum quiet tune while running fingertips over spine, shoulder blade, rib bones until breathing slows, deepens, and he drifts off to sleep.

Walk into a familiar room and hear greetings of old friends who have become family.

Heave sobs into pillow and feel warm hand, aching heart soothed with words of peace and hope.

Feel the wash of comfort making subside the fear and clenching of throat and stomach.

Comfort: peace, security, calm, confidence, understanding, connection.

Such a blessing to have, such a gift to offer.

Another form of love, both Divine and earthly.

***

Sortof free-write-y today, huh? Well, that’s what I came up with in five minutes. 🙂

This is part of a link up with Lisa-Jo Baker (http://lisa-jobaker.com) that happens every Friday for anyone who wants to participate. You can read more about it at her website, and I really suggest checking it out — there’s lots of fun blogs to discover!

Five Minute Friday: Brave

3
May

I’m loving these Five Minute Fridays. Each week, Lisa-Jo Baker (http://lisajobaker.com) chooses a word prompt and people write unedited for five minutes flat. The idea is for me to get out of my own way and just write without the burden of perfection. It’s been fun to meet other bloggers and see the different ways people go with the prompt. Anyone can be a part of the action, so maybe you want to try and link up sometime soon?

Five Minute Friday

Courage (Photo credit: Pete Reed)

Prompt: Brave

One of my friends, a curly-haired henna head, is a gifted artist and performer. She says and does things that other people would never dream of doing. For her, it is no big deal to get in front of people and say outrageous things that are both hilarious and inappropriate (maybe that’s why they are so funny?).

Another friend is quiet and reserved. She serves behind the scenes and avoids any extra attention. She’s thoughtful and considerate.

What might send my one friend thrills of excitement would send my other friend to the bathroom with dry heaves.

Here is a good general principle I’ve found: what is a brave step for one person is easily accomplished before breakfast for someone else. Courage comes when you push past fear to do the thing that scares you.

Putting the pen to paper may be a huge step of bravery for one person.

Saying aloud the question they’ve had in their minds may be that step for someone else.

Just opening a search for a new job may be a huge act of faith, regardless of whether an interview is ever secured.

For me, today, my act of bravery is to say aloud that as a Christian, I do not have all the answers. I’m starting to think that the Bible might not have something literal to say about every single aspect of the nuances of modern life.

I do not feel comfortable with the representation the loudest voices are making on my behalf.

I’m tired of hearing about “speaking the truth in love” to people with whom there is no relationship, which would give the slightest responsibility to speak that truth.

I’m tired of the Church being a force of marginalization, polarization and alienation.

I want to be a source of absurd grace, which I truly see in the example of Jesus. So why does it feel like an act of bravery to say that out loud? Maybe it is because the Church only lets grace apply to certain areas of life and not others. Maybe there is an unspoken understanding that there really is a hierarchy of sins, and that some acts are worse than others. So your act of homosexuality, abortion or being a female leader takes up more of the apparently exhaustible bounty of Christ’s grace than my selfishness, envy or gossip. Don’t bogart the grace, man. Is that really what we believe? Cause that’s what it looks like. God’s love is not a limited commodity.

Whew. Well, that came out of nowhere! Thanks for letting me share from the heart. Apparently this is what happens when I silence my inner editor/censor. Putting this out into the world really does scare me, but I am being brave today, hoping we can start a respectful conversation.

What is your reaction to this post? Do you have opinions or feelings about “absurd grace” or the idea of a hierarchy of sins? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. And as always, thanks for reading!

My Problem With Princesses

30
Apr

Disney Princess Realness. (Photo credit: partymonstrrrr)

Some people have a problem with princesses. They think princesses are fluffy, vaporous, weak, voiceless or inconsequential. Maybe they think of a prissy girl who whines to get her way or is spoiled and adverse to work, ala Nellie Oleson from Little House on the Prairie. Remember Nellie and her Nellie curls?

I can see their point. Princess conjures up images of a child in too many crinolines who turns up her nose at cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off.

We generally don’t think of princesses as being people of power or influence. They’re more people of manipulation, pawns to be traded in marriage for treaties with other lands, demure fragile creatures who frequently made use of smelling salts and schemes to get the prettiest ribbons.

Not exactly a flattering picture is it?

It’s no wonder the idea gets dismissed.

There are a lot of women in Christian circles trying to reclaim their self-esteem and identity by taking on the mantle of royalty. The idea is that if one follows God and identifies as a daughter of God, also called the King of Glory, that relationship makes her a princess. In a lot of ways this shift in attitude helps people have more self-respect and approach the world with more confidence.

If “princess” conjures up fragility, fickleness or being trapped in a tower waiting to be saved by someone else, this role will not work for you.

Super Blast Princess Daisy, Flicker

When I think of princesses, sometimes I imagine someone more along the lines of one of the Charlie’s Angels or Lara Croft. Powerful, feminine, intelligent and strong…okay Cameron Diaz’s character wasn’t too smart, but she had other strengths.

When female Christians try to claim an identity as princesses, I admit it rubs me the wrong way. It sounds corny or as if they didn’t get to live out their princess-y dreams of childhood. And with all the glitter and “Pink” written across in velour across shapely backsides, I can understand the hesitation to identify with the old version of princess.

Plus, I’m an adult. I don’t need to regress into being a sequin-clad toddler diva who gets animal crackers with pink icing, picks out only the giraffes because they’re my favorite (they’re not – I tend to favor the hippos and elephants) and throws tantrums to get my way.

However,

I don’t know of many women who don’t want to be made to feel special.

Valued,Beautiful,

Worth listening to,

With a perspective that is worthwhile and valid.

There are times when we who follow Jesus need to have an attitude check about how we view ourselves and whether we’re accurately honoring our heritage of being adopted into God’s family. Most times that has to do with relation to the world around us, but it is an internal exercise as well. How do we view and treat ourselves? Are we treating ourselves with respect? What kind of messages are we giving ourselves during that internal dialogue that’s constantly running in our heads?

Maybe princess isn’t the right term.

Maybe queen…

Hmmm…that might not work.

What about Secretary of State, or Madame Speaker? Madame Pope?

None of those are quite right either.

CEO doesn’t do it, nor does Mother.

So until someone comes up with a term that adequately sums up the struggle of being heard despite being a female, being seen as having a relevant voice despite having breasts, being intelligent as well being able to express emotions, princess might have to do it for us,

For now…

Unless the word “woman” is the term we’ve been looking for all along. Then it might be staring at us from our own mirrors and we’re just not able to recognize it yet.

Do you think “princess” is the right word to identify the women in your life? Do you ever have to wrestle down negative messages about yourself? How do you accomplish it? How can you treat yourself with love today?

Five Minute Friday: Friend

26
Apr

This post is part of Five Minute Friday, a link up through www.lisajobaker.com . If you’re here as a part of it, hello! and thanks for stopping by! You can find out more on her website, but here’s a quick summary of what Five Minute Friday is:

It started because I’d been thinking about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And I figured, why not take 5 minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.

Today’s prompt is the word Friend.

***

I’ve been the new girl a lot. Growing up we moved a few times (nothing compared to a military brat – those kids have it hard) and not always at easy transition points. Even saying that, though, I realize that over time I’ve adopted the role of being the new girl as part of my historical identity, and that has given me a gift, whether I was the new girl all that much or not.

My gift?

Aren’t we fancy with our 1990’s hair?

Making friends.

I don’t mind making new friends.

And being someone who has had to make new friends has given me an eye for being the new girl.

I notice it a lot at church.

The things people take for granted at church are astounding. If you are the new girl at a church, you probably don’t know the layout of the building, therefore signs or lables are very helpful. Friendly greeters or people with a girft of saying hello are extremely helpful. It’s important to cultivate an environment of hospitality. (Am I supposed to take communion if I accidentally come when it is being served? Do you guys charge for donuts and will I get the cold stare if I don’t put a quarter in your little wicker basket?) Use terminology that everyone can understand.

Church friends can be the best friends because they share a common value of investing in spiritual life and making time for it each week. On the flip side, churches have cliques just like high schools, and coming into a new church can be an intimidating experience.

Do you have an eye for what new people see when they enter your church or place of worship? Is it a place where new people feel welcomed?

Finding Community as a Writer

11
Mar

This workstation fueled by coffee

Have you ever had one of those moments when you discover something that you didn’t even know you were missing?

Maybe it was when you took a class and it changed the entire direction of your academic goals.

It could be when you met a very special someone.

Or it could be walking into your first local chapter meeting of American Christian Fiction Writers.

Okay, that last one was just me.

It was great enough to participate in the Christian Writers Guild meetings, which encompasses all types of writers and publishing. But the local chapter of ACFW, dubbed MN N.I.C.E., was more specific, smaller and directed at learning skills to write more effective fiction.

I’ve been trying to allow myself to dream big and work to make connections in writing circles. I have much to learn, and I’m not too proud to admit that there are many times when I don’t even know the question to ask. I don’t mind learning from others, in fact I welcome it. It can be intimidating to walk into a room filled with a bunch of people you don’t know. When you come to a group that is united by a common cause or purpose, it really decreases the new-member fear factor.

In my experience, people at these meetings are welcoming and happy to visit, even if they don’t know you personally…yet. And the questions they ask to start a conversation will make you feel like someone is taking seriously your writing endeavors, which in itself can be enough reason to go to a meeting! Sure, you may be one of the youngest people there, and there seem to be little to tie you to the people in that room, but when you realize your goals and aims are rooted in writing, there is a commonality that bridges many gaps in background, life station, personality or interests.

Three other places I’ve been able to connect online:

Twitter on Tuesday evenings by using the #writestuff hashtag
Twitter on Friday nights by using the #writeclub hashtag
Facebook as a part of the Writers Unite group.

I highly recommend engaging with other writers this way. In addition, almost every state has its own group of local writers, people who are out there doing it. It may not be convenient to you, but they are out there. And it is a matter of how much you want it. How much do you want to further your own writing skills and potentially give back to your local writing community? Even if you don’t drive to a meeting once a month, with a little internet access, you can connect with others and save on gas. 🙂

If you have ideas for other ways to ‘find your tribe’ as a writer, I’d love to hear from you. And as a reader of this blog, you are part of my writing tribe, my writing community, and I thank you for being a part of this journey. Seriously. Thank you.

(Here’s the link for American Christian Fiction Writers: http://www.acfw.com/ )

Finding a Way Through Discouragement

22
Feb

A virtual friend of mine (virtual meaning online, not someone who is almost my friend) mentioned this week that he was feeling discouraged. My initial desire was to cheer him up, but then I got scared that his discouragement might be contagious, that if I tried to say anything to shed some positivity on him that the blue shadow of his mood might transfer to me. I also worried that because I don’t know his specific situation, my attempts at encouragement might be misplaced and come across as trite.

So I said nothing.

This week I found out that I did not make it into the top 30 finalists of a writing contest I entered. There were over 450 entries and I didn’t expect to win; however, I really thought this would be the year I’d at least make it to the top 30. I know that my writing isn’t a fit for every publisher/publication out there but it’s hard to remember that when you scan the list and your name isn’t there.

As I’ve tried to put my writing out into the public world more, rejection is a recurring theme. In order to choose one piece, another must be rejected. I get that. And while I’m usually a pretty upbeat person, I will admit that I’ve been knocked down by rejections more than I thought I would. It has affected me more than I would have predicted at the beginning.

Rejection feels personal, even when it’s not.

When facing discouragement, from whatever source, what can you do to get through it? How can you get up from feeling down?

Just as we all have widely different personalities, what works for one person might not be effective for someone else. It is also surprising how the source of the discouragement and the intensity of it can elicit different responses. For example, I’m not usually a huge crier, but when my novel was returned to me with extensive notes pointing out all the bad things about it, you better believe I cried.

Crying works wonders. It’s like a sauna for your eyeballs, sweating out through tears all your body’s impurities and sadness, but without all that heat and inability to breathe.

A long, fast walk outside can do the same thing.

Moaning works too.

Praying about it is useful, but during those times my prayers usually tend to be one-sided whine-fests. I’m convinced that God wants to hear about it anyway, though, even if it’s not eloquent or lofty.

Chocolate chip cookie dough is also effective.

The thing that works the best, at least for me, is talking to a trusted friend, somebody who “gets it” and understands the significance of your discouragement, or doesn’t mind sitting in it with you. To hear that you are understood and not alone can be the most powerful way out of discouragement.

Have you been discouraged? What caused it? How long did it last? How did you turn things around? I hope that you find encouragement at this blog, if only from knowing you’re not alone. Hang in there, and in the words of that old gospel song, joy’s gonna come in the morning.